She Says… All Good Things

Guess who stopped seeing red? Me.

Guess who has felt really full and bloated and had lower back pain for the last two days? Yeah, me.

Guess who is not doing a very good job of not getting her hopes up about being preggo? That’s right… me.

So, the bleeding has 99% stopped, which is a really, really good sign. It only lasted a day, but it certainly felt like an eternity. With every moment that passes, I am more and more convinced that it was implantation/breakthrough bleeding, which, of course, means that right now, as I type, I could have a little tiny bunch of cells burrowed into my uterine lining, multiplying and connecting to make a human life.

I just have to keep reality checking myself: there’s still only a 20% chance that we actually conceived. Can I just take a moment to say one thing? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but HOW ARE BABIES EVER MADE BY ACCIDENT?! Seriously. A 26 year old woman has only a 20% chance of conceiving each month, even when she knows when she’s ovulating. How does that ever happen without planning for it?

As it is, I’m experiencing lots of good signs that point toward pregnancy. But I still have to wait to take a pregnancy test. Today is 8 days past ovulation (dpo). I’m fairly certain the bleeding that I experienced was implantation bleeding at 7 dpo. The earliest I’ve read that one should take a home pregnancy test is 10 dpo. TWO MORE DAYS. I did a little research about the most sensitive home pregnancy tests (found this list to be the most comprehensive), and tonight I stopped at CVS and splurged on the slightly more expensive First Response Early Result test. Even though technically I guess I could have enough hCG for a positive on Friday, I’m going to wait until Saturday to test, or else I’ll go broke buying (and wasting) pregnancy tests!

Ok, enough obsessing. I can’t think about it anymore. My hopes are hopelessly high.

He Says… Dear Kate

I just want you to know that I love you, no matter what happens this week, next week, or any time after that.  I know that you are trying to be totally optimistic about these weird, perplexing and uncomfortable symptoms you are having, but I know that you are also scared that it means you are NOT pregnant.  If that is the case, we will try again, and I am totally optimistic that we WILL get pregnant one of these days.

I am always here for you.

I love you.

She Says… Seeing Red

Update since this morning: The “pink tinge” has morphed into full-fledged, bright red blood. Not a flow, exactly, but watery red droplets into the toilet when I pee, which makes me nervous, since I have read online that most implantation bleeding is brown and almost not noticeable.

I called Dr. P’s office, convinced that I was having a chemical pregnancy or early miscarriage (thanks, Dr. Google). Or my period, which is almost just as bad. The nurse told me to relax. She said she had seen plenty of women who experienced period-like bleeding at this point in their cycle and they were still very much pregnant. She said it’s possible the bleeding will turn into a period flow, but most likely (considering it is a week early for my period and exactly on time for implantation bleeding and/or breakthrough bleeding) it is nothing to worry about, and might even be a sign of implantation.

I feel crampy and very emotional (which is no wonder, since I just wrote the word “miscarriage”… this is all very scary). While I am relieved by the conversation with the nurse at Dr. P’s office, I am still worried about what’s going on in there.

Unfortunately, as always, only time will tell!

She Says… Is This For Real?

Today is exactly 7 days past when I think I ovulated. And this morning I noticed a pink tinge on the toilet paper when I went to the bathroom. I thought I was imagining it. And just now, when I went again, it was still there. Most people who get their periods regularly probably wouldn’t bat an eyelash at the slightest hint of blood about a week before their period was due. But I haven’t seen anything even closely resembling pink down there since February (and the one day of withdrawal bleeding after the Provera Challenge). So this was a bit of a surprise.

Sorry for the details, but here’s the big question… could it be implantation bleeding? Have any of you ladies experienced implantation bleeding? One would not get implantation bleeding if the egg wasn’t implanting, right? So, am I crazy to take this as a cautiously optimistic sign of impending pregnancy?!

I’ve read that implantation bleeding can take place anywhere from 6-10 days past ovulation. So my timing, if this really is implantation bleeding, would be textbook perfect. Nothing about me has been textbook so far, though, so I’m hesitant to get excited at this point.

Thoughts? Comments? Personal experiences?

She Says… Plans Change

First things first: I am not a runner. Until about a year ago, my only experience with running was being forced to run “The Mile” in gym class. And let me tell you, that was a traumatic experience. Every year. Even now, as a very fit and active person, running is hard for me. Mere minutes into a run my heart rate skyrockets, my breathing goes into overdrive and I’m sweating like a man pig. Over the last year I have made a more concerted effort to run longer, and more often, to see if I could ever be one of those people who nonchalantly say, “I’m going to go for a run”. As it turned out, it got easier the more I did it. I began to like the challenge. So when someone at my office decided to put a team together for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure back in January, I signed up immediately. I was ready to run my first 5K.

And then my plans changed.

As you all have seen, I’ve struggled with exercising (over-exercising, specifically) as we’ve run into challenges trying to make a baby. Was that the problem? Was it too much stress to put on my body? What if I’m pregnant and my heart rate gets too high? For awhile I put my running on hold, concentrating more on low-impact cardio and strength training. And then my doctor confirmed that it was the PCOS, and not the exercise, that was causing the anovulation, so I was given a clean bill of health to continue exercising. But I had realized during that time that I really liked my more holistic and balanced view of exercise (spending my time in yoga classes or on long walks with my dog instead of sweating it out day after day on the machines at the gym to reach a certain calorie burn). So I stuck with my new, more relaxed workout schedule, but kept doing one 4-mile run a week, mostly so that I could still run the 5K.

Yesterday was the 5K. And now that we’re officially in our first “two week wait”, I just didn’t feel comfortable putting my body into that type of stress. For these two weeks, I want to be calm, respect my body and not do anything to jeopardize what could be going on in there. And that definitely means no 5K. Now, I know the rule of thumb is that if you had an established exercise routine (including running) before you were pregnant, you are generally ok to continue that level of exercise once you get pregnant until it’s no longer comfortable. However, I also know that exercise causes excess cortisol, a stress hormone, to be released. And I don’t want my body dealing with hormone changes when it should be dealing with implantation!

So I showed up at the race, got my t-shirt, and happily walked the 3.1 miles. As I saw runners breathlessly crossing the finish line, I felt a twinge of jealousy. But the fact is, my plans have changed. I’ve got more important things for my body to be doing. Let’s hope it’s doing them!

She Says… What now?

Thank you all SO MUCH for your encouragement, support and advice over the past few days. Who knew this babymaking thing could be so complicated?!

Here’s a recap on where we stand:

• First round of Clomid (50mg) started on September 9th (if I had a cycle, that would have been on cycle day 3… since I don’t have a cycle, it was the day I got the drugs in the mail!)
• Started using an ovulation predictor kit (OPK) on September 16th (pseudo cycle day 10)
• I got clear negatives the first few days, and then got somewhat confusing almost-positives on September 19th & 20th
• Then I got the real deal — definitely positive on September 21st (pseudo cycle day 15)
• My willing husband and I “bumped it”, as he jokingly says, every night from September 18th to the 23rd (ok, I guess you all know that the last one was in the afternoon by necessity)
• Then Benjamin left for NYC for work and won’t be back until Saturday night

If the OPK reading was correct, we totally nailed it in terms of timing. In addition to the OPK, I definitely had some physical symptoms that indicate that ovulation occurred on the 21st, including the elusive mittelschmerz (which sounds to me like some sort of Yiddish insult… but is really the term for “middle pain” or cramping from ovulation). Not so comfy. Literally haven’t felt that in, umm, a least a decade… possibly ever! One can never be sure what was going on inside my body pre-birth control. There were a few other symptoms as well, but, in an effort to maintain some sort of personal boundaries, I won’t discuss the details of my cervical mucus on the blog. Ooops, I guess I just did.

So, one would imagine that I’m feeling pretty good right now. Except that I’m not. I’m nervous. And impatient. See, my trusty guide through this process, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, tells me that my temperature should shoot up 12-36 hours after ovulation. The author says a couple trying to conceive should have sex up to and including the morning of the temp shift. If I ovulated on the 21st, then my temp should have shifted this morning. And it didnt. Well, it did a TINY bit (for instance, my normal temps are usually between 97.6 and 98.0 and this morning was 98.2). I was expecting a more dramatic shift. I’ve literally been taking my temperature all day long (and before you respond to this post saying “your temp will shift throughout the day”, “you’re supposed to take it the same time very morning”, blah blah… I know. It’s not rational. But I can’t stop.). So now I’m beginning to doubt my mittelschmerz and the OPK and all the signs that pointed to ovulation a few days ago.

And the real bummer of it all is that I won’t be able to confirm or deny any of these things until October 6th. I have an appointment at Dr. P’s office for a pregnancy test. DID YOU HEAR ME?! MY VERY FIRST PREGNANCY TEST THAT COULD BE POSITIVE! Could someone please fast forward to then? Please?

Anyone out there in the blogosphere have experience with temp charting after ovulation? How much does it really go up? Is it possible that it won’t go up, but I still ovulated? How’s a girl to know?

He Says… Missed Opportunities?

I am a little stressed out right now.  Today I have to go to NYC for 3 days for a job.  And despite the fact that we have done everything we can with 6 consecutive days of “trying to conceive” and the fact that her ovulation predictor kit seemed to indicate that we are doing things at the right time, what if we are off by a day or two?  And I am not here!?!

I mean, there is really nothing I can do.  I suggested (jokingly), leaving a “specimen” for Kate (gross…I know).  So let’s say the Clomid worked but we do miss this opportunity because I am traveling.  That would suck!  And it just makes me nervous because I have a fairly irregular work schedule and usually have to travel for a couple days every few weeks.  And since we can’t really anticipate the best time for baby making yet, how do we deal with my schedule and the (more important) task at hand?  Unfortunately it is not practical to lose out on jobs that do require travel for the next few months, and Kate has her own work so she can’t come with me (usually).

That is my rant.  I am leaving this evening and we’ll “try” again before I go and keep our fingers crossed that things are timed perfectly.

She Says… Excuse Us

Please excuse us if we don’t post for a few days.  We’ll be busy trying to make a baby 🙂

He Says… The Reader

So Kate went to her yoga class about fifteen minutes ago, but before she left she had to POAS (I really can’t believe I am using these acronyms…but Kate assures me they are common knowledge) for her OPK (man, I feel like a 13-year old girl).  But she had to run out the door to get to her class, so I was left to read the results.  I waited the requisite 10 minutes, and here is what we got:

Now, I am not sure if this is a positive or not.  Looking back at Kate’s post from earlier this week, the line in that is clearly lighter (I guess when the line on the right matches the one on the left it is positive).  Maybe tomorrow it will be darker and match the control line.  I am not an expert on this certainly.  Anyways, Kate can look when she gets home from yoga and decide what it means.  Either way, I imagine we will decide to “cover our bases” today, so to speak.

It’s kind of weird to be getting all excited over this kind of test being (possibly) positive, as it’s really just a sign that she is ovulating…something which most women do regularly.  We still have to have luck in our favor that we will even get pregnant this time if she does ovulate.  Oh well, it’s still a step in the right direction.  Right?

She Says… A Case of the “I Wanna”s

On my way to a friend’s baby shower yesterday morning, I popped into Babies ‘R’ Us to buy her a gift. I had checked out her registry online before I got there, so I pretty much knew what I was going to buy. But when I walked in the door, I was hit with this rush of… I don’t know exactly what it was… maybe sadness? I wandered around the store aimlessly, imagining myself picking out a stroller, registering for onesies and receiving blankets, and rushing through the aisles, baby in tow, for bottles or teething rings.

Realizing it was a slippery slope from a tinge of sadness to full-fledged self-pity, I snapped out of it, grabbed the Mommy & Me set of Aveeno products and a copy of “Goodnight Boston” (like “Goodnight Moon”… apparently they make city-specific versions… it was just too cute to pass up!) and was on my way.

Driving home I recognized that nagging feeling as a case of the “I Wanna”s. I wanna be the one having a baby. I wanna buy baby stuff. I wanna have the cute belly. I turned the radio up loud to drown them out. And I tried my best to silence them while ooohing and ahhing at each gift my friend received. And I worked especially hard to concentrate on something else while people at the party took a “pregnant lady picture” (there were several of them). The reality is that I couldn’t be happier for my friend, and I can’t wait to meet her baby in a few weeks when he/she is born. And I know that I’ll be the one celebrating someday soon!

Oh, in other news, I’ve been using my ovulation predictor kit since Wednesday and haven’t gotten a positive. Believe me, y’all would be the first (well, second) to know. My fingers are still crossed that it will happen in the next few days. If not, I call the doc on Monday and go in for a round of bloodwork and another lovely ultrasound on Tuesday to see what’s going on in there. Sigh.