On my way to a friend’s baby shower yesterday morning, I popped into Babies ‘R’ Us to buy her a gift. I had checked out her registry online before I got there, so I pretty much knew what I was going to buy. But when I walked in the door, I was hit with this rush of… I don’t know exactly what it was… maybe sadness? I wandered around the store aimlessly, imagining myself picking out a stroller, registering for onesies and receiving blankets, and rushing through the aisles, baby in tow, for bottles or teething rings.
Realizing it was a slippery slope from a tinge of sadness to full-fledged self-pity, I snapped out of it, grabbed the Mommy & Me set of Aveeno products and a copy of “Goodnight Boston” (like “Goodnight Moon”… apparently they make city-specific versions… it was just too cute to pass up!) and was on my way.
Driving home I recognized that nagging feeling as a case of the “I Wanna”s. I wanna be the one having a baby. I wanna buy baby stuff. I wanna have the cute belly. I turned the radio up loud to drown them out. And I tried my best to silence them while ooohing and ahhing at each gift my friend received. And I worked especially hard to concentrate on something else while people at the party took a “pregnant lady picture” (there were several of them). The reality is that I couldn’t be happier for my friend, and I can’t wait to meet her baby in a few weeks when he/she is born. And I know that I’ll be the one celebrating someday soon!
Oh, in other news, I’ve been using my ovulation predictor kit since Wednesday and haven’t gotten a positive. Believe me, y’all would be the first (well, second) to know. My fingers are still crossed that it will happen in the next few days. If not, I call the doc on Monday and go in for a round of bloodwork and another lovely ultrasound on Tuesday to see what’s going on in there. Sigh.