She Says… Things I Never Thought I’d Say

Top 5 things I never imagined saying, but have heard come out of my mouth in the last week.

5. Hands! Out! Of! The! Freezer! (Someone has discovered the icemaker recently and every time he walks by the freezer he says, “I need ice!”. He uses his whole body weight to pull open to freezer door, or waits until I’ve opened it to get out something for dinner, and pulls open the ice drawer. He grabs a cube (or 10 or 20) and either pops the whole thing in his mouth, freaking me out that he’s going to swallow it and choke on it, or carries it around until it gets too cold and drops it somewhere sneaky so it melts on the floor. Who would have thought you’d have to convince a child that the freezer is too cold to hang out in.)

4. Eyeballs are not for touching. (Seriously, people. They are not. Sadly, Owen does not agree.)

3. If you eat one bite of ice cream, you can have 2 animal crackers. (More to come on this in a post next week, but Owen is SKINNY. He keeps getting taller and not any wider, and recently we’ve been looking for ways to add calories to his meals. The other night Benjamin suggested ice cream after he ate a great dinner, but Owen didn’t even want it! He had just gobbled tofu and stir fry veggies and cellophane noodles and edamame and yet he didn’t want ice cream. Weirdo. I found myself bargaining with his favorite treat, animal crackers, just to get him to try a bite. Definitely something I never thought I’d say, as a super healthy eater myself.)

2. Don’t touch your penis while you’re waiting for peepee to come out. Just say, “Peepee where aaaaaaaare youuuuuu?”! (‘Nuff said. Peeing on the potty has become a nightly, pre-bath event (no, not in an effort to begin potty training early – I’m not rushing that milestone! – but just in a “hey, this is a potty and we can go pee in it!” way), and Owen is SO excited when peepee actually comes out that he often grabs his penis and tries to squeeze it out manually. Not the lesson I was hoping to teach. Good things come to those who wait.)

1. WE ONLY EAT FOOD, NOT BUTT CREAM! (This has become a family joke, so I think we’re repeating it less out of necessity and more to get a laugh, but this is said at least once every night while we’re getting Owen ready for bed. And always with Owen imitating eating butt cream, and then stopping his finger before it goes in his mouth and then directing it straight to his butt. Hilarious. And yes, the first time it passed through my lips, I said it very seriously!)

What has come out of your mouth recently that you never thought you’d find yourself saying?


4 responses to “She Says… Things I Never Thought I’d Say

  1. OMG… so cute! I smiled all the way reading this post! Thanks for sharing!

  2. I have to say “No tongue kissing the dog!” more often than any reasonable adult should have to.

    Be careful about the ice. One of my husband’s childhood friends died from choking on an ice cube. I don’t think it’s actually common, but the thought alone makes me forbid ice!

  3. Hmmm…I am embarrassed to admit that my husband and I often use bathroom humor to rewrite the lyrics to our daughter’s favorite “Music Together” songs, which she finds hysterical.
    Have you ever read “Deceptively Delicious” or “The Sneaky Chef”? I am a dietitian, and I have often suggested those books for my patients whose children have fallen off of the growth charts (grown in height but not weight). While the books are meant for children who don’t eat veggies (and it seems like Owen is quite the healthy eater!), I encourage the recipes that use higher calorie healthy “sneaky” foods, like avocado, cheese, eggs, and nut butters, to add some healthy calories to the dish. Avocado is great because it doesn’t have a strong flavor, so it blends really well into smoothies (the color can be disguised with berries), and can be sliced into sandwiches. Anyway, I am sure it is just a growth spurt, but those books may offer some good tips!

  4. @Kara, That is SO SCARY!

    @Jen, Great idea! I’ve seen those books but never thought to use them to sneak in high calorie things, as we don’t currently have an issue with him eating his veggies. Great suggestion!

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