Top 5 things I never imagined saying, but have heard come out of my mouth in the last week.
5. Hands! Out! Of! The! Freezer! (Someone has discovered the icemaker recently and every time he walks by the freezer he says, “I need ice!”. He uses his whole body weight to pull open to freezer door, or waits until I’ve opened it to get out something for dinner, and pulls open the ice drawer. He grabs a cube (or 10 or 20) and either pops the whole thing in his mouth, freaking me out that he’s going to swallow it and choke on it, or carries it around until it gets too cold and drops it somewhere sneaky so it melts on the floor. Who would have thought you’d have to convince a child that the freezer is too cold to hang out in.)
4. Eyeballs are not for touching. (Seriously, people. They are not. Sadly, Owen does not agree.)
3. If you eat one bite of ice cream, you can have 2 animal crackers. (More to come on this in a post next week, but Owen is SKINNY. He keeps getting taller and not any wider, and recently we’ve been looking for ways to add calories to his meals. The other night Benjamin suggested ice cream after he ate a great dinner, but Owen didn’t even want it! He had just gobbled tofu and stir fry veggies and cellophane noodles and edamame and yet he didn’t want ice cream. Weirdo. I found myself bargaining with his favorite treat, animal crackers, just to get him to try a bite. Definitely something I never thought I’d say, as a super healthy eater myself.)
2. Don’t touch your penis while you’re waiting for peepee to come out. Just say, “Peepee where aaaaaaaare youuuuuu?”! (‘Nuff said. Peeing on the potty has become a nightly, pre-bath event (no, not in an effort to begin potty training early – I’m not rushing that milestone! – but just in a “hey, this is a potty and we can go pee in it!” way), and Owen is SO excited when peepee actually comes out that he often grabs his penis and tries to squeeze it out manually. Not the lesson I was hoping to teach. Good things come to those who wait.)
1. WE ONLY EAT FOOD, NOT BUTT CREAM! (This has become a family joke, so I think we’re repeating it less out of necessity and more to get a laugh, but this is said at least once every night while we’re getting Owen ready for bed. And always with Owen imitating eating butt cream, and then stopping his finger before it goes in his mouth and then directing it straight to his butt. Hilarious. And yes, the first time it passed through my lips, I said it very seriously!)
What has come out of your mouth recently that you never thought you’d find yourself saying?