She Says… A is for Apple

I have a problem.

A somewhat strange problem.

It doesn’t impact my life most of the time. But it’s beginning to be more of an issue as we move into the stage of Owen’s life where he learns his letters.

About a week ago I got Owen a set of foam letters and numbers to play with in the bath. He has shown such an interest in learning “names” of things/people/shapes/objects/places that I thought he might be excited to start to identify letters. So far he has learned several shapes (oval, circle, moon and star) and points them out everywhere. We will be driving along and all of a sudden I hear a frantic “OOOOOOOOOOOval” and he’s desperately trying to show me which oval he saw. Anyway, turns out I was right about the new bath toy. The letters are a HUGE hit. Now the issue is getting him OUT of the tub. He loves picking them up and asking “Dat!” about each one. Then he sticks it to the wall. He picked up “O is for Owen” really fast and can now find the letter “O” floating around with all of the other letters.

Anyway. Back to my little problem.

So there we are, playing in the tub, and Owen holds up the letter N. “N!” I shout. “N for … “. My mind is blank. Well, almost. Blank except for words that are not exactly toddler-friendly. Nipple? Nymphomaniac? And often words I don’t even feel comfortable writing on the internet.

B? Boobs. Bastard. Bitch.
P? Poop. Porn. Pervert.
O? Ovulate.

You get the idea.

It happens to me at other times too. I’ll be on the phone with a credit card company or something and they’ll be asking me how to spell my address or my name and I’m all, “S as in …Sex”. And I can not. For the life of me. Think. Of. An. Appropriate. Word.

What is wrong with me?!

I’m not even someone who uses those words regularly. I don’t really curse. Maybe it’s because I DON’T use them? Who knows. But in any case, it sounds like someone needs to learn the NATO Phonetic Alphabet.

What’s the first word you think of that starts with the letter N? Anyone else have this strange affliction?


27 responses to “She Says… A is for Apple

  1. Isn’t wordpress supposed to be shut down today?

    I had no idea you had such a dirty mind. I like it.

  2. I have told people on the phone “N as in NATO” so I don’t know what that says about me.

  3. @Kara, I heard nothing of a WordPress shut-down. Maybe I slipped through the cracks?

  4. Haha! This had me hysterical laughing. I always freeze when I need to find a word to reference a letter but it’s not because my mind goes dirty or inappropriate, I just can’t think of anything. Loved this.

  5. WordPress bloggers can choose to go black in protest of SOPA/PIPA and wordpress’ homepage may be out for the same reason, but bloggers can choose if they want to participate (you can find options under “Settings” in the Dashboard).

    Love the dirty mind! You know what they say, right? A dirty mind is a joy for life.

  6. To be honest, the first word that comes to mind is pretty racist. I don’t know why?

    But N – Nutmeg, Now, Nobody, Nowhere, Nothing. And, I’m done.

    I totally just tried to remember that alphabet. Got to F: Foxtrot. Darnit!

  7. Noodle!

    Maybe you should write out a “cheat sheet” – not that you’d have it with you, but it might help trigger more appropriate words 🙂

  8. It’s a Wikipedia shut-down today. may be shutting down today for the same protest about free information. But, as I was reading I was thinking “you should use the NATO alphabet” at least for name and address. I learned it a couple of years ago to spell things as a joke with DH, but it’s quite helpful with those phone calls. For toddler appropriate things, maybe a set of flash cards or blocks then you can always refer to those pictures / things in a pinch.

  9. This is hilarious! I suppose I always use my name for N, maybe net would work for you?

    Just a suggestion, Montessori method teaches the sound of the letter first instead of the name since the sound is more useful as you start to read (use the short vowel sounds). You would want to pick words that use the main sound of the letter then – umbrella not unicorn for example. If you want I could send you a list of words that would work well for this tactic.

    Have fun! Owen is simply adorable!

  10. @Nicole, That is a great point. I always say “Buh buh BOAT!” and things like that to work on the letter sounds, but you’re right about how that might be confusing if I use words that don’t have the correct letter sound. The English language is mighty confusing! I would LOVE to see a list of words that use the correct letter sound. Thank you!

  11. ha ha ha, you perv! 😛

    Wait, now that I think about it, I can’t think of any decent words for N either!

  12. Lol for me it was all about p for penis. I HAD to learn the Phonetic alphabet because I swear it plagued me everytime I had those phone calls. I swear penis would just rise up out of no where screaming ‘pick me pick me!’ I’d even get the giggles frantically trying to think of something else.

    Ps November is N, if that helps get past nipple! Lol

  13. Nunchuck.

    Hilarious post 🙂 Now I probably won’t be able to think of appropriate words either. Which pretty much fits me to a T.

  14. Hahahahahahaha! I’m a long time reader but I don’t think I’ve ever commented before. But this post had me rolling on the floor… LAUGHING (not having sex, your mind IS dirty!)

    N – Nemo, noodle, naked, nuts… wait, I feel like these are getting borderline.

  15. We’re lucky in our house — N is for Nonni, which is what my mother goes by! Ethan learned his letters from a quilt that my grandmother had made for me when I was little — the letter was accompanied by a picture of something that started with said letter. It was helpful when I was stumped for a word!

  16. LOL. I think of “newt” — that song from some show when I was a kid, “A Alligator, B Bear, C Camel D Deer E Elephant F Fish …” and “N” was newt.

  17. N is for Nana; P is for Papa. At least it is in this house!

  18. Priceless!! I don’t have this particular problem, although I do come up with off-the-wall ones when I’m on the phone with people. Like, “B is for… builder!” And they’re all “huh?”

    For me, N will always be for “Newt.” Ryan has an alphabet collage in his room and it took me weeks to figure out what the picture of “N” was. Lizard… gecko… ? Newt, apparently.

  19. HA!!! Good thing I am a Kindergarten teacher, I can always think of appropriate words for any letter! 🙂

  20. I teach preschool, and the way I’ve taught my kids is “N says nnnnnn, like nnnnnnnnno thank you” or the picture alphabet card I have in my classroom has a necklace. But I use “n is for nnnnnnnno thank you” because I like to have an action associated with the sound and they can shake their heads. As a matter of fact, I started out saying “n is for no” but they picked up on that and would just say NO all the time LOL!! So I added in “no thank you” to try and teach them manners too 🙂

    If you need other suggestions feel free to e-mail me anytime and I can send you everything I have!! Sounds like you have a smart little guy there – he seems to know more than some of my students that are 4 and I’ve had in my room trying desperately to teach their ABC’s since August!!!!

  21. Oops – didn’t realize wordpress doesn’t associate with Blogger LOL!! Email is sanelson79 (at) gmail (dot) com.

  22. Yesterday I forgot the word for salad. SALAD. And I often forget basic words from basic children’s nursery rhymes. I remember wondering what was wrong with my Mother in Law when she did this. Now I know how it feels. Oh well .If we can’t laugh then what’s the point? Owen will fill in the blanks for you. I’m counting on my toddler too.

  23. I have this problem too. I definitely have used “n is for nipple” before. It just escaped my mouth before I had a chance to stop it. MORTIFYING.

  24. Oh and you know what you def need? MAGNETIC ALPHABET for your fridge! I bet Owen could stand on his special new podium and play with the letter for a long time while you cook!

  25. @RhodeyGirl, SO glad to know I’m not alone 🙂 I bet O would love letters on the ‘fridge, but ours isn’t magnetic! Huge bummer.

  26. Maybe its your subconscious saying it is time for baby making again!!!!!! 🙂

  27. @Sarah, Not quiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite yet. But perhaps my unconscious is ready! Hahaha.

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