She Says… On My First Mother’s Day

I guess you could say my first mother’s day as a mother was last year, when Owen was tucked safely inside my stretched, burgeoning belly, throwing off my balance as he, basketball-like as he was, jutted out in front of my small frame.

I looked like this.

But now that he’s out of that safe little bubble I can tell you: I may have been a mother then, but I didn’t really know what it meant to be a mother until now. It’s not a lesson I learned in a flash, as soon as Owen wriggled out of my body and into the world. It has been a slow, gradual, almost unnoticeable process that has filled up and filled in places within me that I didn’t even know were empty throughout the last 9 months.

I am a different person than I was before Owen was born. A better person. A more understanding and more thoughtful person. A simpler person who stops working so hard to check things off my to do list and instead stops to enjoy and savor every little teeny tiny moment with my ever-changing baby. A gentler person who can cuddle and rock and pat and hold long after my arms are tired or my legs want to collapse. A more patient person. A more present person, adept at focusing 100% on what I’m doing at a given moment, whether it’s work or playing or blogging or cooking, and not thinking about what I’m going to do next. A more organized person, though I didn’t think that was possible (oh she of the bulleted to do lists and pre-packed lunches), who can now organize an entire family without even thinking.

As a mother, I have become more than I ever thought I could be.

When I say I am a mother, especially a work-outside-the-home mother, people sometimes say things like, “The hardest job you’ll ever do!” or “That must be tough”. I guess it is, sometimes. But honestly? Most of the time? Most of the time it feels like the most amazing privilege I’ve ever been given. And while it’s not always perfect, and not always fun, I can’t help but think that there’s no other place I’d rather be.

It feels like I have finally come into the person I always wanted to be. As Owen’s Mom, I am more me than I have ever been before.

Happy Mother’s Day… to me.

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24 responses to “She Says… On My First Mother’s Day

  1. Happy Mother’s Day! I am so grateful to my mother for everything she has sacrificed for me and given to me. I can never know how hard she worked until I become a mother myself. Good job to all those moms out there. Your just is the hardest, but one of the most appreciated!

  2. *your job*

  3. What a sweet post. I love the black and white photo of you and Owen–precious. Happy Mothers Day to you! 🙂

  4. Oh Kate, you have made me so, so excited to start this journey!

    Happy Mother’s Day to you!

  5. Happy Mother’s Day lady!

  6. Bar none this is my favorite post you have ever written. I couldn’t agree more you with. Being a mother has made me more than I ever thought I could be.

    Cheers to you on your first mother’s day!

  7. “Wriggled out of your body”? Your birth experience must have been must different than mine. 🙂 I would say “Violently expunged from my body” instead, lol.

    This is a fantastic post!

  8. This is what motherhood is about. Happy Mother’s Day!

  9. so eloquently stated!! i love how “in love” with being a mom you are!! i love my child more than my life but i dont think motherhood has done all that stuff to me though. 😉 definitely not the organized thing. i can barely get dishes done anymore!

  10. What a beautifully written post. It says everything I could have ever said about my own experience, although I do agree with Kara on the “violently expunged” part 😉

  11. Aww, you made me tear up!

  12. Beautiful!
    Yes, Happy Mother’s Day Day to YOU!

  13. What a lovely post! I saw your pregnancy test video randomly on YouTube, and subsequently found this site. I am now like, completely hooked. As in, went back and read through all your old posts, hooked. Anyways, happy Mother’s Day to you, and I look forward to continuing to follow your journey.

  14. You’ve totally summed it up 🙂 Amazing post. I love the photos of you and Owen – happy Mother’s Day, Kate!

  15. teary-eyed over here

  16. Happy Mother’s Day! And thanks for highlighting all the wonderfulness for those of us just starting out on the road to motherhood. Every once in a while the panic sets in, but this post…this gives me hope that it will feel as fantastic as I’ve imagined.

  17. Beautiful post…and so true. Happy Mother’s Day…to me….and you too! ❤

  18. parentcollective

    Happy mothers’ day to all the moms/mums out there. I’m also in love with being a mom, but it hasn’t come without its sacrifices. I tried to list them here: , let me know what you think!

  19. As an IF survivor, I think you need to read this post. :http://jjiraffe.wordpress.com/2011/05/07/when-infertility-survivors-forget-what-its-like/

    and realize your post is very hurtful.

  20. @Anonymous, Thanks for sending that link. I saw that post earlier today and responded. While I understand that Mother’s Day is laden with emotions for many people for lots of different reasons, I chose to share my joy and reflection on being a mother in this particular post. Separate from my own struggle with infertility (and possibly BECAUSE of my struggle with infertility), and certainly not as a comment on anyone else’s struggle with infertility or views of motherhood. I did not intend to make grand statements about mothers in general, or motherhood in general, or people who have not had the opportunity to become mothers yet. I was simply stating how I feel, and how motherhood has affected ME.

    As I said in my response to that post, I completely understand the blogger’s perspective, but I would hope that my words would be received as a vision of hope for the future rather than a slap in the face by those who are still struggling with infertility.

  21. Happy Mothers’ day, Kate.
    Re “Anonymous” and her complaint: having had 2 miscarriages myself, along with 3 great kids, I find it sad that she needs to permeate your joy with her grief. It’s plain that you were talking about yourself and not making a general statement about motherhood. I understand, only too well, the grief of loss but I don’t see it as a reason to chastise someone who is simply sharing the joy of their own experience.
    I think you are very brave to keep on blogging in the face of what I would consider completely unfair criticism.

  22. This totally made me cry! I hope that I will feel the same way next year when our little girl is here.

    Happy Mother’s Day!

  23. What a BEAUTIFUL post, Kate! I couldn’t have said it better myself. I hope you had a wonderful day with that adorable little boy of yours! Happy Mother’s day!

  24. Hello Kate,
    I saw a photo of a boy ( your son I do believe ) with a rash on his face that looks similar to what my grandson has and I was hoping to find out what the little boys diagnosis was because we haven’t been able to find a remedy. Thank you!

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