She Says… We Made It

We made it through Day 1.

My alarm went off at 6:00am yesterday, and I showered and put on my heels and new skirt (carefully laid out the night before). Owen started to coo in his crib and I went in and cuddled him for a few minutes before changing his diaper and handing him off to Daddy (still in bed) for a little playtime while I put on makeup (what is makeup again?). Then Owen and I headed downstairs for his morning bottle. I was wearing black, which means that every little drip of drool or formula would show, so I covered myself in burp cloths to avoid having to change clothes before I left for work. After his bottle Owen sat in his high chair next to me while I scarfed down a bowl of cereal and packed my lunch and bags. Then I put on my coat and waved goodbye to my little munchkin. His lower lip began to stick out in a pout and his sweet face looked at me quizzically. I practically ran out the door so I wouldn’t cry.

But cry I did. For once I was happy for the mile walk to the T because it gave me a chance to let a few tears escape and then wipe them away before I saw anyone. Once I got on the T, I was on autopilot. I read the paper. I checked my watch. I tried not to think about the little cutie in his high chair in my kitchen. Once I got to the office I plugged in my computer and Blackberry (for the first time in 5 months) and the autopilot continued. It was like I never left. Without missing a beat, I fell right back into the swing of things. It was surprisingly easy for me to turn off my “mom brain” and turn on my “work brain”. I was able to focus entirely on the task at hand, and I was so busy that I barely had time to think about anything else. Thank goodness. I called home once and got teary a few times when people asked me where Owen was or how I was doing being back, but overall I kept my shit together quite nicely, if I do say so myself.

The day flew by. I almost forgot to eat and barely had time to go to the bathroom! I must say, I was incredibly relieved to NOT have to worry about pumping too. I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to my desk from my favorite boys back at home. Awww.

And now… now my brain is mush. And my body is sore. I’m beyond exhausted. But we did it. And we’ll do it again tomorrow. And the next day. And one of these days, it will feel normal.

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18 responses to “She Says… We Made It

  1. I’m so glad that it went well! I’m impressed that you dared to put on make-up on a day that was sure to involve tears ๐Ÿ™‚ Sometimes I have a hard time leaving the baby to go for a long run, so you are my hero. Kudos on “keeping your shit together” lol

  2. Kate, I had my daughter one week after you had Owen, and I returned to work yesterday, too. I couldn’t make it out the door yesterday without crying — she gave me her big gummy grin (completely oblivious to the fact that I was about to leave for 8 hours), and I just melted into tears. As I did every time someone at work asked me, “Was it really hard to leave this morning?” (Why did they have to ask that? Did they want me to cry?) But I got through the day, my daughter survived her first day home alone with dad, and this morning is already seeming easier. Hopefully it will get easier, step by step, for you too!

  3. I got a little emotional reading this post! โค But I'm proud of you, it sounds like you did wonderfully and you're using your natural talent in the work force AND at home – giving back in lots of ways!

  4. It sounds like you made it through ok, as hard as it is. And how sweet that your boys sent you flowers. It was Owen’s idea, I’m sure ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. Hang in there:)

  6. I’m about to go back to college… and I’m dreading it soooo much.

    I admire you. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. My boys are now in high school and college, but I still clearly remember my transitions back to work–big milestones! Congratulations on your efforts. A tip for avoiding spit-up and drool on your work clothes: once you get dressed, put your bathrobe back on over your clothes. Just remember to take it off before you head out the door!

  8. Great job! It will get easier and more normal as time goes on. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Congratulations on a successful day back! I have a long ways to go before my little one arrives, but I’m already dreading the day I have to return to work.

  10. I’m so glad to hear that your first day went okay. I’m already fretting about my return to work, and I still have 2.5 months until our little one is born! I’m very lucky in that family will be watching our baby for the three weeks that I’m back to work before my husband is off for the summer from school. It sounds like it makes the transition easier. I hope things continue to go well. ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Wow! Just reading this I was in tears and our little man isn’t due for another 3 months. I’m already dreading going back to work and I still have at least 2 months before my leave even starts! And I love my job! I just know it’s going to be so difficult to go back and leave my little baby behind. You did awesome! You should be proud ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. Whew! The first day has to be the hardest! Congrats!

  13. Congratulations! I didn’t go back to work until my first little guy was 18 months old, and it was hard. However, it did get easier after the first few days of crying (my crying, not his – he loved daycare). I never went back after my second was born almost 2 years ago. Someday I know I’ll go back, but it’s hard for me even to think about!

  14. ROCK ON! Isn’t it amazing how EXHAUSTING it is now? I am ๐Ÿ™‚ congrats on the first day success!

  15. Congrats, you did it! You couldn’t have described the situation better than in your last paragraph. You are so fortunate that your job will let you work 4 days a week! I would love to have even just 1 day off! I’m glad you didn’t have to deal with the pumping too, that is just so a pain! Just remember daycare will be harder on you than on your little one.

  16. Glad it went well… was thinking of you this week ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks… first time commenting. ๐Ÿ™‚ Congrats on your first day back at work! Not a mom yet, but I hope to be this year. If it doesn’t happen soon, I may need some recommendations from you for special ‘baby-making’ doctors in Boston! Fingers crossed that I don’t, though!

  18. I’m glad your day was busy and productive!
    It does become routine. Well, it did for me. But to see Ava’s face at the end of the day light up to see you, just melts my heart each day!

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