We made it through Day 1.
My alarm went off at 6:00am yesterday, and I showered and put on my heels and new skirt (carefully laid out the night before). Owen started to coo in his crib and I went in and cuddled him for a few minutes before changing his diaper and handing him off to Daddy (still in bed) for a little playtime while I put on makeup (what is makeup again?). Then Owen and I headed downstairs for his morning bottle. I was wearing black, which means that every little drip of drool or formula would show, so I covered myself in burp cloths to avoid having to change clothes before I left for work. After his bottle Owen sat in his high chair next to me while I scarfed down a bowl of cereal and packed my lunch and bags. Then I put on my coat and waved goodbye to my little munchkin. His lower lip began to stick out in a pout and his sweet face looked at me quizzically. I practically ran out the door so I wouldn’t cry.
But cry I did. For once I was happy for the mile walk to the T because it gave me a chance to let a few tears escape and then wipe them away before I saw anyone. Once I got on the T, I was on autopilot. I read the paper. I checked my watch. I tried not to think about the little cutie in his high chair in my kitchen. Once I got to the office I plugged in my computer and Blackberry (for the first time in 5 months) and the autopilot continued. It was like I never left. Without missing a beat, I fell right back into the swing of things. It was surprisingly easy for me to turn off my “mom brain” and turn on my “work brain”. I was able to focus entirely on the task at hand, and I was so busy that I barely had time to think about anything else. Thank goodness. I called home once and got teary a few times when people asked me where Owen was or how I was doing being back, but overall I kept my shit together quite nicely, if I do say so myself.
The day flew by. I almost forgot to eat and barely had time to go to the bathroom! I must say, I was incredibly relieved to NOT have to worry about pumping too. I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to my desk from my favorite boys back at home. Awww.
And now… now my brain is mush. And my body is sore. I’m beyond exhausted. But we did it. And we’ll do it again tomorrow. And the next day. And one of these days, it will feel normal.