My little peanut,
You are 3 months old! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it is amazing how much changes in one month. It seems like all of a sudden you are able to hold your head up all the time and you can sit propped up on pillows or in your Bumbo chair. Your adorable and emotive facial expressions have gotten much more purposeful and I could just stare at your beautiful little face all day long waiting to see what you’ll do next.
You smile and laugh and coo all the time now. My favorite part of the day is trying to figure out what noise or movement or face will make you squeal with joy, and your tiny little laugh is already contagious. You and I just sit and laugh on the couch together. You are such a joy. It’s hard to even put it into words.
I made a big decision on your three month birthday. I decided to stop breastfeeding. In last month’s letter I said that I hoped we could overcome our breastfeeding issues by the 3 month mark, but unfortunately things only got worse. The last few weeks nursing has been such a struggle that you’ve barely eaten anything. When I found out that you barely gained any weight in the last 3 weeks, I decided it was best for both of us if we switched to bottles. It was a heartbreaking decision to make, little one, because I cherished that special bond that you and I had. Even though nursing you was never as peaceful and beautiful as I’d hoped, there was something so special about being the only person in the world who could provide for you. I’m still doing my very best to give you all breastmilk, so I guess I’m still that person, but it does make me a little sad to know that anyone can feed you now.
I guess it’s my first lesson in letting you go; you can’t be all mine forever! In a few short months you’ll start daycare, and I’ll have to let you go. Then you’ll grow up a little more and start school, and I’ll have to let you go. You’ll get your driver’s license and I’ll have to let you go. You’ll fall in love and I’ll have to let you go. You’ll go away to college and I’ll have to let you go. The letting go part never ends, I imagine. I just hope you’ll always come back to me after I give you the freedom to go.
For now, though, you’re pretty much all mine and Daddy’s! We could not ask for anything more. You are the best. You’re funny and happy. Opinionated yet easygoing. Predictable yet full of surprises. Even when you wake up an extra time at night (you had been getting up only once, but now you’re switching back and forth between getting up once or twice) or won’t go down for a nap, I cherish every minute we get to hang out.
I love you, little guy. You’re my favorite person to spend every day with (oh, and Daddy too…).
I love you a little bit more every minute.