He Says… Bedtime

So during our years living together, Kate and I almost always went to bed at the same time.  I thought this was good for our relationship, and good for my sleep.  (In my bachelor days I would always stay up much later, for no real reason.)  But it was nice for us to have bedtime to unwind together, whether it was to watch tv in bed, read (rarely), or, um, do other things.

That all changed early on in Kate’s pregnancy, as she got really tired, and there was no way that I would consider going to sleep in the 8 or 9 o’clock hour.  So she would typically cart herself to bed hours before me leaving me to my bachelor ways again.  Suddenly I was up watching late night tv again and wouldn’t go to bed until 11 or 12.

That was pretty much the way it was through most of the pregnancy, and it really hasn’t changed now that Owen is here.  Sleep is so precious now (for Kate especially) that she’ll go upstairs around 8 or 8:30 to give Owen his “final” feeding before putting him to bed and then going to bed herself (by 9:30 usually).  Again, that is too early for me to go to sleep.  In the first few weeks after the birth, I would stay up until Owen’s next feeding (usually around 10:30 or 11) and then change him and get him ready for Kate to feed him.  Now he usually does a 4 or 5 hour sleep (thankfully) after his bedtime feeding, so I don’t stay up for that next one.  But instead I do my same old “bachelor” thing of staying up later than I need to, watching tv.

I have to say, though, I really appreciate having that time, and I know I probably shouldn’t even mention it because Kate hardly gets that kind of time to herself, and if she does, it’s usually spent showering, or emailing, etc.

I wonder if we’ll ever go back to going to bed at the same time.  I imagine that as Owen begins to be able to sleep all night, Kate won’t feel the need to go to bed herself at 9 or 9:30.  So hopefully then we can have some time to watch tv together (and actually get through a whole show without constant breaks to tend to Owen), and maybe even go to bed at the same time.

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6 responses to “He Says… Bedtime

  1. I was exhausted the first three months after our baby was born. We didn’t always go to bed at the same time, either. Now that he’s almost 11 months old we go to bed together every night. I’m a night owl so I usually stay awake reading or watching TV longer, but we’re both in bed at the same time. Things will get worked out. It’s nice to have that time to ourselves.

  2. It’ll be SOON don’t worry. Just make sure to show her support in as many ways possible. I used to stay up waiting to feed our little girl and to be supportive my husband would fall assleep but when I was done, he would wake up and we would watch a TV show together, even if it was at 2 in the morning. I appreciated it SO much.

  3. We ususually go to bed at the same time; just we sleep in different rooms. I sleep in our room with baby and Nick sleeps in the baby room with no baby. TOTALLY WEIRD!! (but until our baby sleeps longer lengths, I prefer baby to sleep in his basinette just right beside my bed so I can nurse him /transfer to bed easily and go back to sleep myself). My hubby would rather not be woken up 4 x per night since he’s working. Ah life with a newborn. I’m sure we and you guys will get back to normal before too long and be missing these days!!

  4. My husband has always been the night owl, and I’m… NOT, so he almost never can come to bed when I do. That was helpful in the newborn days, he would handle a feeding or two and then we’d trade off. But we certainly didn’t get much time together.

    If I may present a small piece of unsolicited advice: start an EARLY and consistent bedtime routine with Owen. If you don’t have it yet, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Dr. Weissbluth is my sleep BIBLE. He’s a big advocate of the early bedtime (think 6:30-7pm). And while it seems silly at this age when he’s still waking up to eat in the middle of the night, if you can get into a good night vs. day routine, it makes an ENORMOUS difference as far as organizing his sleep patterns, and he can start to do more long stretches at the “right” time. It made for such an improvement at our house, I can hardly tell you. And, best of all, it made for a few precious hours of adult-only time in the evening, even if I still went to bed rather early.

  5. My husband and I go to bed at the same time and always have. During my pregnancy (currently five days overdue) I still did my best to stay up as late as possible to be with him and he did his best to go to bed a bit earlier. It has worked wonderfully both for my sanity and for our sex life of course:)

    Once the baby gets here I have no idea how it’s going to be but I hope that there won’t be much time when we’re not going to be together! I love that time for us and he been expressing appreciation that I have made an effort to stay up longer.

  6. You will, don’t worry. Once he starts sleeping more regularly at night, things will fall into place. My son is 6 months old, and for at least the last 3 months (maybe more? it’s all a blur!) he’s gone to bed between 7 and 7:30. Especially now that he’s in daycare, he’s pooped by that time! And though it does kind of suck to get home at 6 and put him to bed an hour later, it is definitely nice for my husband and I to have some time alone together. I agree with the previous poster who recommended an early and consistent bedtime routine.

    Hang in there!

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