Rocking Owen to sleep is one of the most satisfying things I do all day long. It may not sound like much, but it’s tricky sometimes, and it makes me feel like the best mother in the world when it works and I lay him down in his crib or bassinet and he drifts right off to dreamland without fussing. It’s a delicate dance that we do, and requires a lot of attention to his tiny movements and subtle breath patterns. To me it’s like a puzzle, and when everything clicks and his breathing slows and his eyelids get heavier and heavier until they shut, I have my “Aha Moment”.
It’s the moment when I realize that I know exactly what my baby needs.
Recently I’ve found myself saying things like, “Oh, he probably has to burp” or “I think he’s just tired” or “He likes it when you do ____” when other people are holding my little guy. And you know what? I’m almost always right. Since Owen was born, he and I have spent every second less than 50 feet from each other. Rarely are we on different floors of the house, and we’re almost never out of earshot of each other. And while once in awhile that feels a little stressful (like, can’t a girl take 5 minutes to pee anymore without having to listen for a noise or rustle from the baby?), in general it is truly amazing to know a little person so intimately. Especially a little person who can’t speak or communicate very well yet. But still, I know exactly what he needs at all times.
Aha! Maybe that’s what being a mother really is?