He Says… Let’s Talk About…


(I will try to keep this as educational and family friendly as possible.)

So, I feel that I should bring up this subject, well, because sex is posing to be a bit of a challenge for us currently.  In the first 6-8 weeks of pregnancy Kate was so exhausted and she (especially) had this protective feeling over the fragile baby inside her that sex was not at the top of either of our lists.  Once we got past the first couple months and felt pretty comfortable that Piccolino was doing well and was protected inside Kate’s belly, things got sort of back to normal (well, normal-normal and not “baby-making normal”, which was not exactly normal).  Still, Kate was not feeling especially up for it all the time.  I hoped that she would hit the second trimester “horny-like-a-teenage-boy” stage, but now that we are well into the second trimester I can safely say that ain’t going to happen.

I do think that Kate’s libido has increased somewhat over the previous trimester, but now sex is a little strange for both of us.  The problem is, well, that we are not exactly alone anymore.  As you can see in the belly pics, Kate has more than popped and is looking quite pregnant nowadays.  That space between us has gotten MUCH smaller, and that makes things a bit challenging. I know we are both quite aware that our unborn child is there, and that is strange, to say the least.  Even though I feel confident that he is well-protected I just can’t get it out of my head that he is there. And most of the time Kate can feel him, which is… distracting to her, to be sure.

We are creative individuals, and certainly try more pregnant belly-friendly “things”, but still, he is there.  Somehow involved in this process that we feel should just happen with the two of us alone.

I am certainly aware that Kate has quite a bit more growing to do and as we start to feel Piccolino kick and move more and more, I think the physical and mental challenges of later pregnancy sex may be too daunting to overcome.  A few years ago our friends were pregnant and they were told not to have sex for all of their pregnancy because she had placenta previa.  I remember thinking how horrible to abstain from intercourse for 9+ months.  Well, I think now that it’s not such a horrible thing to need to cut out during this time in one’s life.  Certainly we’ll survive.

Now that I’ve spilled the beans on this “private” topic, I am curious to hear other people’s stories (and maybe Kate will write about it from her perspective, too).


11 responses to “He Says… Let’s Talk About…

  1. Speaking as Kate’s “pregnant twin” 😉 I can relate to how she’s feeling about the labido not being overly high and feeling the baby definitely is distracting and I also feel the same way you do, that the baby is “there” and it feels weird knowing that. My husband generally feels the same way too. It’s definitely different once you’re “there” rather than looking at it in the future.

    I have read that having sex can be “soothing” to the baby because it kind of “rocks” the baby to sleep, which is why the baby tends to be less active while you’re moving around then when you’re sitting still (at least for me anyways). So if that helps in any way, it’s something to think about 😉

  2. For all the reasons you mention, I agree that somehow sex looses its priority place in the marriage during those nine months. Unfortunately, it doesn’t rebound back into priority position right after the baby is born. It became a topic we had to be really open to discussing frankly with one another.

  3. I agree with Janelle that you need to make sue you keep talking about it. And I would also suggest trying to keep it a priority. Now and in the coming months 9and years) you will really need to stay connected with each other on a level separate from your child (children). I know it can seem strange, but truly, one of the best things you can do for your child is to make sure you have a healthy relationship with your spouse!

    We have 3 children, a just turned 3 y/o, a 16 mo, and a 6 weeker, and no I definitely do not feel in the mood all the time, and we certainly don’t have a lot of free time to spend alone in the bedroom, but we do pretty well, sneaking some time while they’re all napping, or sacrificing precious nighttime sleep every now and then. It’s just that important…

  4. Agree with Janelle and Amy that you need to keep talking about it and making it a priority now because after the baby is born she won’t be able to have sex for 6 weeks and then probably won’t really feel like it.

    For me, like Amy says, I have to think about the fact that having sex is keeping my relationship healthy with my husband. Now that we’re pregnant with our second, I feel a bit more comfortable (and so does he) and my husband makes sure to let me know that he still finds me attractive, which makes me want to be more into it.

    I think you just have to think about the fact that sex brings you closer as a couple and in turn, keeps your relationship strong. But really, keep talking about it; because that way you know you two are on the same page.

  5. Ah…the sex. This has been a recurring topic in our home. At first I was sick, and then I was horny (which Tony loved), however, then I was getting bigger…and bigger…and bigger. And the idea of the baby being “in the room” with us was definitely a hurdle, but more than that…I didn’t feel attractive anymore, and as much as Tony loves me, he is just not attracted (sexually) to the pregnant female body. He constantly tells me how beautiful I am, and how much he loves my belly…but for him, there is a big difference between loving this belly and lusting after me while I’m sporting this belly. So…things have been rough in that department, to say the least. But I will tell you that communication is key…it’s good to see that you are both talking about it.

    In the end…it will be MORE than worth it, and eventually things will get back to “normal”…whatever normal may be for the two of you. 🙂

  6. We’re pretty much living like a monk and a nun in our house. He always thinks he’s going to hurt me and I feel less than sexy currently. I worry about the lack of intimacy all the time, but it’s even hard to snuggle at this point!

  7. Pregnancy sex was just weird in our house. Having a huge bump in the way was weird and having the baby kick during sex was just a complete mood killer. In the last 4 months we hardly ever had sex. There were lots of cuddles to make up for the lack of sex though. We both figured if intimacy wasn’t working one way then we could compensate by being intimate in other ways.

  8. My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

  9. pregnant sex – what is that? I was seriously neurotic about that whole thing because of worrying the little guy would be okay but my friend and her husband had sex right up until the end with no problems. everyones different i guess

  10. Hah! Way more than I needed to know about you, Ben. 🙂 But while we’re sharing, I must say that I never experienced the 2nd trimester hormone boost I read so much about (and heard about on Friends when Phoebe was preggo back in the day). We’re both all too aware of the third party in the room, and it’s (or rather, he’s) definitely put a damper on things! I read that pregnancy can reduce the male partner’s testosterone, making him want sex less. Guess that’s designed to keep men faithful during pregnancy. Clearly, Tiger Woods did not experience this phenomenon!

  11. I had a son 9 months ago and maintained my sex life pretty well. Here’s what we did: sex in the spooning position. Comfortable for mom and dad doesn’t have to be reminded “visually” of the baby bump. It works! Try it out!

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