He Says…Social Awkwardness

Okay, so here is what happened:

Last night was Kate’s company’s holiday party.  It is a fancy affair that they hold at the Four Seasons with a charity auction and food and drinks and dancing.  For a work event it is generally a good time.  We got decked out.  I wore a suit, and Kate wore a very pretty dress that she bought in the spring and wore to a few weddings this year.  Now Kate has only told one person at work that she is pregnant (her boss, who works in Toronto) and she didn’t feel the need to bring it up quite yet with her coworkers.  We went to the bar to get drinks; I got wine and Kate asked for a cranberry and tonic (what I am now calling “The Cover-up Cocktail”).  Again, since I think everybody is thinking about the possibility of our pregnancy (read here), I wanted Kate to have a cocktail-looking drink.

Within a minute or two of having our drinks one of her coworkers commented that her drink looked fancy and asked what she was having.  Kate, who apparently would make the worst liar in the world, said “cranberry and tonic”.  No gin.  No vodka.  So much for “The Cover-up Cocktail”.  But that was the end of that conversation and we went on with the party.  About twenty minutes later we were standing with this coworker and her boyfriend when she whispered to Kate “Are you pregnant?”.  Obviously at this point lying would have seemed silly, and Kate said “yes”.  The coworker and her boyfriend quietly congratulated us, and then…

And then…

And then the coworker said, “I totally knew it”, while grabbing Kate’s arm and said “I could just tell.  You’ve put on a little baby weight.”


Now I am a guy, but I know that it is a cardinal rule, especially among girls to never comment on another woman’s weight even during pregnancy, and especially after we told her we were only 6 weeks along.

Kate, who lets most things rub off her pretty easily just laughed and smiled.  The coworker’s boyfriend and I stood there somewhat stunned.  The coworker went on to say “And I could tell by your dress.  This wasn’t a Kate-going-out-dress.  This was a hide-your-stomach dress.”

Again, WHAT?

Kate bought this dress in the spring with no intention of it being a maternity dress and frankly I think it’s stunning.  And for the record, I am not sure I have noticed any real difference in Kate’s body at this point, despite the fact that she says she has gained a little weight around her stomach (like A LITTLE).

The entire conversation was just remarkable.  I excused myself to the bar just to get out of there and a little later I was talking to the coworker’s boyfriend who was flabbergasted that she said that.  Kate really laughed off the situation but I think she had a good excuse to smack the girl, even though she was being more idiotic than hurtful.

So that’s my story.  The end.

23 responses to “He Says…Social Awkwardness

  1. Oh myyyyyyyy.

    First of all, Kate looks absolutely beautiful in that dress. There is no hint of baby on her stomach.

    Second of all, I think sometimes people aren’t sure how to react to baby news. A good response would be, “congratulations, when are you due?!” But I think some people want those around them to think they are extremely intuitive and just talk for the sake of talking. If that makes any sense.

    I would have awkwardly changed the subject, ha.

  2. Maybe she was trying to help Kate feel like the pregnancy was more real? Other than that, I have no clue – I would never say that to someone!

    Ps – Kate you look gorgeous! 🙂

  3. Welcome to the part of your lives where everyone thinks it’s acceptable to say everything. From what you should and shouldn’t be doing to how they feel about your baby’s name, no one knows how to hold restraint around a pregnant woman. It made me mad every time.

  4. I agree with everything Sarah, Kristie Lynn, and Lauren said. I can’t imagine ever saying that sort of thing to anyone, even my closest friend. It’s just so likely to cause hurt feelings.
    It shows what an amazing woman Kate is that she didn’t get upset.

  5. I can’t imagine why anyone would say that, but KATE you look FANTASTIC!

  6. I would use a word that rhymes with witch but I don’t know the coworker at all. I do know women who say things like that all the time and really have no idea, they are totally tactless and completely clueless about it. Do I think that is an excuse? No way. Regardless, Kate looks gorgeous, she has the “glow”! And what is most attractive is her self-confidence in knowing she’s a hot momma 🙂

  7. It sounds like that co-worker is JEALOUS. Kate, you look gorgeous and guys this is just the first of MANY very awkward conversations. People say the RUDEST things to you when you’re pregnant.

  8. Kate is a SAINT to laugh it off….I would have made a scene!

  9. Exact same thing happened to me. When I was 14 weeks and starting to tell people, one of my co-workers said, “I thought you looked heavier!” Ugh.

  10. Kate, you are a cutie in that dress! What a crazzzzy-town coworker, totally unacceptable!

    You guys are so chill and awesome, I love how you just roll with things. In a situation like that, that’s about all you can do.

  11. Oh I would probably react the same way Kate did but secretly I would now hate this coworker!!! I had someone come up to me after it got out at a church function and say “This isn’t your first pregnancy, is it?” like I had miscarriages or something, and then after I said that it was my first she said something about us trying for a long time. I informed her that I had only been off the pill for a year and we just didn’t want to have kids yet (we have been married 9 years). Some people can be so rude. So now I secretly dislike this girl at my church. Terrible of me I know….

  12. I think I’m going to be a bitch when I’m pregnant.

  13. Insane! I can sort of see how one comment might slip out, but to go on and on about it is just craziness… Good for Kate to be able just to laugh it off.

  14. it’s only the beginning, it amazes me what people say to you when you are pregnant, when you have the baby(no HAT! no jacket! no this, why that!!) and then for the rest of your life as a parent.

  15. Obviously this girl was NOT drinking a cranberry and tonic and was already three sheets to the wind! Holy Crap I would have been a bit more upset…

    And! congratulations!

  16. Kate,
    Tomorrow is the big day. I will be thinking about you and Benjamin tomorrow. CANT. WAIT.

  17. Kate , you look beautiful!! You have that pregnancy glow congrats!!! Who cares what other people say =)

  18. I hate dumb comments on weight gain from people! I was just told over the weekend: “Oh, you’re pregnant? I thought you were just getting fat from not working out as hard anymore” Uh, thanks?

    Just wait until she gets the “accident or on purpose” questions, which are hilarious in your case!

  19. Thanks for all seeing eye to eye with me. I should’ve dumped my glass of cabernet in her face but that seemed a bit much.

    A good friend of ours emailed us after I posted this and I think her email sums things up. She said:
    “my friend who is due soon with her second says that she’s heard of, and experienced, the phenomenon where pregnant ladies get “pregnancy brain” (being forgetful, etc.)… but she thinks that everyone else gets “pregnancy mouth” when they are around a pregnant lady because it is amazing what crazy things come out of people’s mouths (everything from people you don’t know well asking whether you were “trying” or whether it was an “accident,” to people informing you that they are “hoping” your baby is a [boy]/[girl], to telling you how you should handle childbirth, because here is only one right way and it’s the way they are about to tell you, etc. etc.).”

  20. romancingthestone

    Benjamin, I am stunned that people could be so stupid. I think there should be a sticker book and everyone that says an idiotic comment to a pregnant or ttc preson should get one between the eyes. That way other people know to STAY AWAY. Best of luck to you guys! Shell and the Bear http://romancingthestone.wordpress.com

  21. Thank you all for your sweet comments! At the time I laughed it off, but as soon as she walked away I realized just how rude that whole conversation was, and I got increasingly angrier. She should have STOPPED TALKING after that first stupid comment instead of going on and on. Wow.

  22. You are a very, very wise man! Just get the heck outta there! Cuz’ even if Kate doesn’t get angry at the woman, she WOULD be angry at you if it only looks like you’re thinking about agreeing!

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