So for the first 5 or 6 days since we found out we were pregnant I was on cloud 9. I couldn’t believe we did it, and I was so excited to share our news with our friends and family. Then I got back into a busy work schedule, was gone for the last 5 days, and am working long hours all this week, then away all next week. All this busy-ness and travel has made me have to redirect my focus back to non-baby things, and I sort of feel bad about that. Plus there is nothing to indicate that Kate is pregnant just from looking at her. No bump. No change. She seems the same as a month ago, so it’s sort of hard for me to really believe and concentrate on the fact that we are pregnant. I think I was sort of hoping to have the high I was feeling after we found out last until the due date. But again, reality has set in and it’s back to the tasks that are in front of me now.
Not that I really would like to change the way babies are made, but I do think that guys miss out on quite a bit of the process. While her symptoms are mild right now, Kate is getting to experience some changes in her body and how she feels. But to me she looks and acts the same so it’s hard to tell if anything is really going on. I assume that in a couple months once she starts to show, and hopefully even sooner (once we go for our first ultrasound), there will be more of a sense of definitiveness for me.
I can’t tell if I should feel guilty that 100% of my brain is not focused on the little piccolini right now. I wish I could be around more for this first stage of things to try to glimpse whatever it is that is changing. While I was gone last week I watched our video every night before bed just as a little reminder. (I have filmed lots and lots of things in my career, but I have to say, I think it’s the most powerful thing I have ever shot.) Anyways, I am so glad I had that just to bring my mind back to what should be the most important thing on my mind.
Sorry that this seems like sort of a ramble. I think that I am overly tired from work, and would like a day off to spend the day with my pregnant honey.