She Says… It’s All Relative

This morning on my way to work, I opened up the daily paper and immediately gravitated toward a headline:

“Hated Pregnancy — And Proud to Admit It!”

Wow. I realize that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but this struck me as very insensitive. Not only to people struggling to even get pregnant, but what about those pregnant women who love being pregnant? The author describes how she hated being fat and emotional. Oh yeah, but she loves her kid now that she’s not preggo.

Man, what I wouldn’t give to be fat and emotional. That woman has no idea how easy she had it.

As for me, still no sign of life on my OPK’s. As I said in the comments in my last post, I am not too worried about getting a positive on the OPK’s, since I would really like to go in to the doctor’s office anyway for bloodwork and ultrasound to see where things are. I’m going to call right now to make an appointment. Best case scenario: I go in for a check-up and everything looks great (nice, big follicles waiting to be released), and I’m instructed to use my injectible trigger of hcG (Ovidrel) to get things moving. However, my OPK’s have been TOTALLY negative the last few days (not even a hint of a pink line), so I’m beginning to get nervous that my check-up will show NOTHING going on. That would be disappointing after all this waiting and wondering! Come on 100mg of Clomid, don’t fail me now!

What do you think about that article? Offensive, annoying or just one woman’s opinion?

19 responses to “She Says… It’s All Relative

  1. Stay strong and hang in! Those OPKs can be hit or miss. I’m betting there’s lots of good action going on inside and those eggies are coming along!!!

  2. I say it’s just her opinion. I mean, I know (well, at least as much as I can know from reading this blog) how badly you want to get pregnant, but is there really a guarantee that you will enjoy the actual pregnancy? You could be nauseous every day, you could have horrible mood swings, and you could (maybe less likely for you) get sick of people asking you the same 3-4 questions over and over. Or you could love it just as much as you think you will now. And I’m rooting for an enjoyable pregnancy for you, but I don’t think that because it is hard for some women to conceive, it makes women offensive if they hated their pregnancy. Just my opinion, though 🙂

  3. Insensitive. While we’re certainly all entitled to our own opinions, (and I can’t imagine that all parts of pregnancy are pleasant), it seems spoiled to complain.

    When pregnancy comes easy for people, they never think about those who struggle. People who get pregnant 1, 2, 3 months off of birth control will never understand the frustration and pain of those who can’t.

    I’ve got a friend right now complaining about her morning sickness– I’d gladly throw up all day, every day for the next nine months, if it meant I was pregnant!

  4. I vote for just her opinion, too. While I can totally see why it would bother you or anyone trying to get pregnant, I don’t see it as offensive, per se. I think it would be kind of like reading about someone complaining about how much they hate their job if you’re unemployed, you know? And if you look at it another way, there are surely women out there who feel the same way as the author, and it might be comforting to them to find out that they’re not the only ones!

    But after saying all that, knowing myself, I’m sure if I were in your shoes I’d have the exact same reaction. 😉

  5. WOW. I guess she never struggled getting pregnant. Of course, every day isn’t going to be rainbows and lollipops, but WHEN(trying to stay positive) we get pregnant, I will cherish EVERY day because we will know how hard it was to conceive!
    I kind of feel sorry for her.

  6. Just a random person

    I have been reading your blog for a while. I found your website from the Mommy Blog Awards and I really like you and your husband’s writing and I find myself cheering you on. I don’t usually like commenting, but I have found myself on both sides of this issue and I felt compelled to share my opinion.

    I am 26, from the Boston area, I have a 1 year old and I am 4 months pregnant. Before getting successfully pregnant with our daughter, I had two miscarriages. Since I was 22 and 24 at the times of the miscarriages, I requested to see a RE because waiting for a 3rd miscarriage didn’t seem like the best option to me. The miscarriages were devastating to me. I spent 2 years insanely jealous of every pregnant person. When someone complained, I wanted to scream at her. She was so lucky. She was PREGNANT! Did the nausea matter? Did the weight gain matter? Clearly, she could have never experienced the pain I felt, or else she would not complain.

    Then, I went on medicine to control some of the things that might have caused the miscarriages. I got pregnant. And I stayed pregnant. Each ultrasound showed a beating heart, a growing baby. But the pregnancy was really difficult. I worried every single minute of the entire 1st trimester. I threw up 20 times a day. I am not exaggerating, around 20 times each day. I lost 15 pounds. I had to go to the hospital to get IV fluids often. I had prenatal depression. The weight gain was harder than I thought. My patience was a lot shorter. I found it hard to interact with people. I hated myself for not loving being pregnant. I actively hated being pregnant and I felt like a traitor to the person I was just a few short months before, who swore to love pregnancy.

    Then, I had my daughter. And, I forgave myself for hating the pregnancy. No matter how hard you struggle, it is okay to not love something. I didn’t need to love pregnancy — that was a means to the end and the end, my daughter, was worth every second of it. I started to think about going through all of it again. Now I am pregnant again. Our children, if all goes ok, will be 18 apart. This pregnancy has been even harder. The weight loss more severe, the vomiting worse, headaches worse. I am not proud that I hate pregnancy. But, I am not ashamed either. I feel comfortable being honest about it. Women need to support each other, let each other know that it is okay to be honest, to admit that things aren’t always perfect, and to admit when you are struggling or need help.

    Her words may feel really insensitive to people trying and struggling to get pregnant. I see her words, though, as maybe throwing a life raft to some pregnant woman who feels like she is drowning and completely alone. I was so scared that I would hate motherhood because of how hard the pregnancy was. I would have loved to read words like that and be reminded that it really is worth it and pregnancy is not an indication of how motherhood is.

    I apologize for writing so much, especially since I am just an anonymous person. Good luck this cycle. I wish the best to you and Ben.

  7. I did not like that woman’s article at all. It’s not that I don’t think people should love being pregnant, everyone has different experiences and will of course view it differently. Someone who is throwing up all the time, or feels like they might, is going to have a very different opinion of pregnancy than someone who feels like they are glowing. So it’s not the sentiment, but the way she said it. The whole article seemed brusque and accusatory. I don’t know, I just didn’t like it. But I don’t think women should be ashamed to say that they don’t like being pregnant. Not at all.

  8. I am one of those fortunate women who got pregnant right away, so I have a very different perspective on the experience, and I realize that. With that said, I really did not enjoy being pregnant. I think I did a good job of not complaining about it or whining too much, but I just wasn’t a fan. It was really frustrating for me, because I felt like a bad parent before my baby was even born, but I couldn’t make myself like it. I even blogged about it here:

    With that said, I didn’t think that was a good article, and I don’t think what she said was productive or comforting for anyone on any side of this situation. So while it is just her opinion and she has a right to it, I was not impressed with her article.

  9. I think what made me madder than anything when I was in the trenches was not if someone said they hated being pregnant – for all the reasons mentioned above. It was when they complained about being ‘fat’. My sister, at about 7 months pregnant (we were supposed to be pregnant together) said something to me about how she was so fat and I was nice and skinny – I replied, “I’d trade – would you?”. That shut her up pretty quickly. I gained 37lbs in my first pg, and treasured being ‘fat’. (Never once thought of myself as fat, btw)

    I also wanted to suggest, if there is not much going on at your u/s, that you could then do another 5 days of Clomid straight away – the piggyback protocol I mentioned before. Although I really hope that you do have a nice juicy follicle all ready to go!

  10. suchagoodegg, Thank you! I know, you’re right. Heck, last month I got positives when I really didn’t ovulate, and this month I’m not getting positives, but who knows what’s going on in there! I have an appointment to get blood and ultrasound tomorrow, so we’ll soon find out.

    Kristie Lynn, You’re totally right. I have no idea how I’m going to feel when I do get pregnant. I’m sure it won’t be all rainbows and butterflies all of the time. And I’m sure a lot of women share the author’s sentiments! So it’s great for her to speak out about that side of the story too. I guess I was just struck by how the article was written — not exactly in the most gentle or sensitive way.

    Stef, I hear you! It does seem a little spoiled to complain about it in the manner that she did. I, too, would gladly take a ROUGH pregnancy at this point over no pregnancy at all.

    Sue, Yes, it’s hard not to have that knee jerk reaction of “How dare you complain, you’re PREGNANT!”. But really, I completely agree with you. She is entitled to her opinion, and I am sure she helped other unhappy pregnant ladies to feel more comfortable with their situation. They need the support too!

    Courtney F, So true! I definitely think that one thing this whole infertility ordeal has given me is GRATITUDE for the day I actually get pregnant, and an immense sense of wonder that healthy babies are ever born. Although I’m sure there will be days that I will be uncomfortable or puking or angry, but I don’t think I’ll ever complain about pregnancy overall. And I’ll certainly realize what a gift it is to be able to be pregnant at all.

    Just a random person, Thank you so much for your comment! You have certainly seen this from both sides. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of that struggle during pregnancy. I can certainly see how her article could give hope to someone in a similar situation. Just as most people don’t often realize that so many women struggle with infertility, it is also easy to forget just how challenging it is for pregnant women to have their bodies taken over by intruders and change uncontrollably.

    Esperanza, Well said. I completely agree. Not loving pregnancy is not a big deal, it’s the words she chose and the in-your-face attitude I was reacting to, I think.

    Laurie, Great points. I think it’s perfectly valid for her not to love being pregnant… maybe she just didn’t need to write an editorial about it? Just kidding. I agree with you on all points. Thanks for writing!

    Nico, Yes! “Fat” is no way to describe being pregnant. I may feel differently when it’s my ass we’re discussing 🙂 but I think I will feel the same way you did — fortunate to be fat for good reason! Thank you so much for the suggestion of doing another round of Clomid right away depending on my ultrasounds results. It’s definitely something I will bring up with the nurse if things are looking like they’re not developing properly yet. I’m hoping I won’t have to do that though!

  11. I didn’t really like the tone of that article (too much emphasis on weight), but I have to say that pregnancy is rough. A) You feel like your body is not your own and B) You worry ALL the time. I’m 12 weeks now, but last week I had some spontaneous bleeding. Heard the heartbeat and everything is fine, but now I question my every move even more.

    I would say that pregnancy is rough for the same reasons that you want to become pregnant. You want a healthy child, and you’re terrified of something getting in the way of that!

    Of course I’m happy that I’m pregnant, but I think I’ll be so much happier when the baby is in my arms and I can see that it’s ok (although I doubt motherhood is worry-free)

    A lot of women bitch and moan through pregnancy, I know because I see it on all the message boards on various sites, but most women are cautiously excited.

    Good luck with your doc’s visit, I hope everything turn out!

  12. I would have gotten mad at the lady and refused to read the article. But then I’m just being sensitive 😉 I hope things look good in your scan.

  13. I’m glad to hear that you are back home with Ben and gearing up for a very exciting week. Don’t let the OPK results get you down, especially if you are planning on going in for monitoring because actually seeing those little follicles and their sizes has to be much more accurate than the actual stick. I’m sure you will have a very positive result from the Clomid! And remember, even though the Clomid may work, you may not get the positive OPK because you may need the HCG trigger to get those follicles to rupture. I had tried Clomid 2 or 3 times without the HCG shot and without monitoring and each time the OPK was negative. But this past month, when I went in for monitoring, it was clear that the follicles had grown to their mature sizes and just needed that extra oomph from the HCG trigger to rupture. So don’t get too caught up with the OPK.

    Our IUI was unsuccessful unfortunately. But, after a momentary breakdown, we have our eyes set on this next cycle. Although I am a little wary. At first they didn’t want to give me an office visit until next Thursday!!! By that time, I will have missed the opportunity to do the IUI during this next cycle. So I pushed to get an appointment and now we are scheduled for this Thursday for an office visit and day 3 monitoring. Our doctor wants to discuss. I pretty much know what she wants to discuss already…continuing on Clomid at 200mg or trying injectables. I’ve heard in the past that too many cycles of Clomid isn’t good b/c it tends to make the environment hostile. This would be our 4th I believe on Clomid. I’m open to doing the injectables but I don’t know much about them other than me having to inject myself in the stomach for 7-10 days. I’m ok to that, if that’s what I need to do, no question. But I’m afraid the office is going to want me to take a class (they made me take a “class” for the HCG trigger shot: same involved a nurse standing up in front of a room of about 10 couples explaining how to mix the solution and how to inject) and if I’ve missed the class (it’s only offered every other week), I’m worried they won’t let me do the injectables this month, and we really don’t want to skip this cycle. I’m hoping that if my doc wants us to do injectables then a nurse can just explain it to me without actually having to do the class and totally losing this next cycle. Has anyone happened to have done the injectables for an IUI cycle? Any offerings on the subject?

  14. Kara, I can totally see that! Good point.

    Low Fat Lady, Ha!

    Michelle, I’m sorry the IUI didn’t work out. Great attitude, though — you’re so right! On to next month. It sounds like you have all the info you need to make the right decision for you. I don’t have any experience with injectibles [yet!], but I, too, have read that many rounds of Clomid (especially the higher doses) tends to wreak havoc on your system (hostile cervical mucus, thin uterine lining, etc.), so I think you are smart to be cautious. How frustrating to have to wait for a silly “class” to get started, though! Things can never be easy, eh? Maybe someone else can help give advice on using the injectibles for an IUI cycle…

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  16. I actually did not find the article offensive. I have never been pregnant but I feel the same way about pregnancy. I care a lot about my body and would not want to ruin it for a baby that I don’t feel I need in my life right now.
    BUT, I completely support those who feel they need to have babies. To each their own, I say.

  17. After throwing up at least 3-4 times a day continuously for 9 months straight with no reprieve from feeling nauseous all day everyday yet expected to perform the same at work and in daily life, I have to say I can understand. That being said, I still think pregnancy and having children is a blessing and is worth it.

  18. Na, Very true. Good points!

    amy, Ugh, I’m so sorry you’ve been so sick! I can definitely see how you might feel that way.

  19. OK, I’ll admit something. I hated being pregnant too. That’s not to say I wasn’t thrilled to BE pregnant. I was thankful every day to be carrying my son, and I wouldn’t have wanted to change that, even during the worst days. But the whole experience was extremely uncomfortable for me and for most of my pregnancy I couldn’t wait to be done.

    That said, I’d never have written a mean, insensitive column like that! In fact, I NEVER complained about being pregnant to ANYONE except my husband, since you never know what other people are going through.

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