She Says… The “I” Word

So, as I said yesterday, I have been playing phone tag with my doctor for the last few days. She told me to call her if I didn’t have a period in six weeks following the Provera Challenge. Since I am charting my temperatures every morning, I pretty much knew that I hadn’t ovulated, so I wasn’t surprised at all when I didn’t get my period. And now it’s the 5th week, so I decided to give her a call a few days early so I could get the appointment on my calendar. The early bird gets the worm (or the convenient appointment slot), right?

I was kind of surprised when, instead of setting up an appointment, she said, “I think the next step is for you to see an infertility specialist”. Uh oh. She said the “I” word. My stomach got tight. Wasn’t she the one telling me that anovulation following going off birth control was really very normal? Wasn’t she the one saying that ovulation can be easily restarted with Provera/Clomid? Wasn’t she the one who said my hormone levels and everything else were perfectly normal (“beautiful“, even?!) and that I was the picture of health? Why, then, was she seemingly washing her hands of me? Am I a lost cause?

No, of course not. She said she was happy to work with me, but that I might have a higher rate of success with an infertility specialist. But still, the idea of calling this “infertility” and needing to see a specialist hit me kind of hard. Frankly, I’m scared. I’m scared that maybe there is something wrong with me that can’t necessarily be fixed by a quick round of drugs and well-timed sex. I’m scared that I have just opened the door to something that will change Benjamin’s and my happy little life forever. I’m also a little scared that I’ll become one of those bitter women who are completely obsessed with getting pregnant and can’t talk about/do/think about anything else. I already have a blog about getting pregnant, for cryin’ out loud (although, to be fair, I thought the blog would be more about pregnancy and our family, and less about getting pregnant…)!

The reality is, though, that I’m only 26 years old. I’m in good health. I’ve never had any serious medical issues to speak of. There’s really no reason to believe that I won’t be able to get pregnant at some point. Not to mention that plenty of women have beautiful, healthy, wonderful babies after going to see infertility specialists. So, nothing to worry about, right?

Anyone out there seen one?


9 responses to “She Says… The “I” Word

  1. no worries – it’s just a word. and how do you think those places stay in business? because they’re successful!

  2. I understand your fear completely. Even though I’ve known about my infertility for 13 months now, I still expect someone to tell me I’m fine. I still can’t believe that I can’t just get pregnant on my own. You’ve got a lot of friends out there that know exactly what you’re feeling. I’m hoping the infertility road will be a very short one for you!!!

  3. I’m hoping you find a specialist you really like! It’s definitely time you got those cycles going! Thanks for saying hi, I’ve really enjoyed catching up on your story! 🙂

  4. Maybe you just need a better OBGYN that has some specialization in what your issue is? I know I was sticking with my OBGYN bcause she did the same stuff as REs but half the cost.

  5. Lynn, That is a good point! It’s not like just because I see an infertility specialist that I am a lost cause… seeing the specialist may help me be successful sooner than I would have on my own.

    Amber, Thank you! It is nice to know that there are others out there dealing with similar issues.

    iamstacey, I imagine that this whole process is muuuuch easier with a doctor you really connect with. I’ll keep that in mind as we meet with specialists 🙂

    Kate, That’s a good point… Thankfully I believe that the infertility specialist is covered by my insurance, so hopefully cost won’t be prohibitive, but that’s good to know! Thanks for your help.

  6. I’m seeing an infertility specialist. The place is always busy so your not the only one. I hope your wait to get pregnant is very short and you are able to do it quickly. I’m going to be starting on Clomid once I get my period and go through all of that.

    I know it’s scary, but maybe it’s a good thing. Many people can give clomid, but a specialist can give you that extra monitoring and help. With my doctor he is giving me Clomid, but is also monitoring me closely, having me do a injection and a progesterone thing. All that will hopefully make the process easier.

  7. I hope the specialist is able to help you or at the very least, determine that you don’t need her help at all. 🙂

  8. I personally don’t have any advice or experience with a specialist to offer. Many of my friends have had a fertility issues and a specialist has helped them successfully conceived. My heart goes out to you that this is turning out to be a longer and more involved process than just simply deciding to have a kid. I wish you guys the best of luck and hope you are able to get some answers! 🙂

  9. Amy, I feel for you. It IS scary, but you’re right, perhaps seeing the specialist is a good thing — we can figure this mess out right away.

    Tabitha, Thanks for the support! I hope it’s the latter.

    Sam, Thank you! It is great to hear about others’ success with fertility treatments of any kind. There are so many options out there I am confident we’ll be able to conceive one way or another.

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