She Says… Why Hide the News?

A few weeks ago I came across this article written by a woman who had a miscarriage, but was so happy that she had told people she was pregnant and received support and love from them after her loss. People always say, “I shouldn’t be telling people I’m pregnant, it’s so early” or “Please don’t tell anyone, I’m not very far along”. I had two friends share their pregnancy with me very early on (one at only 5 weeks). They felt strongly that anyone they were sharing the news with was close enough to them to hear if they miscarried, so there was no harm in telling them. Although I’ve never been in that position myself, I can imagine I would feel the same way. One shouldn’t be afraid to share the incredible news, as long as they are comfortable sharing the news if complications come up as well.

Why, then, does it feel different to share the “We’re trying, but we’re having difficulty” news? Friends often ask me (jokingly) “Are you pregnant yet?”. It used to make me laugh — before we started trying. Now it just makes me feel sort of… defeated. And a little uncomfortable. Maybe it’s just because I’m a perfectionist and it’s hard to admit that we are, in fact, having difficulty. Or maybe it’s that no one wants to think about their friend/daughter/sister “trying”.

On the other hand, I recently shared the “we’re trying” news with a close friend, and it. felt. so. good. As of yet, the hubs and I haven’t shared this blog with any of our friends, even the few who know we are trying. In some ways, it feels nice to post things here and share them with the world without feeling like I’m baring my soul (and my medical records) to my friends who I see and talk to regularly. But, the more I think about it, why wouldn’t I want to bare my soul to those people? They are my friends, and they might be able to offer me some comfort and support instead of not knowing what’s going on.

So maybe I’ll start telling people about the blog… tomorrow?

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5 responses to “She Says… Why Hide the News?

  1. Pingback: Pregnancy Dates Calculator

  2. We were embarrassed to tell anyone we were trying too. I really really did not want my mother-in-law to know we were even considering it at all. In fact, in sharing our pregnancy news, we even downplayed how hard/much we tried. Why is that? Do I not want people to know I did the deed?

    I did tell a couple of very close girlfriends and they provided very lifting, emotional support. Girlfriends are great like that. Don’t underestimate their powers.

  3. I started my blog years before I married my husband, so when we decided to start trying I debated both sides of the issue for awhile before deciding to write about it on my blog. But now, I’m so glad that I did. The family and friends who read it are so supportive, and it makes me feel good to know that we have people praying for us.

  4. Sam, It is a funny thing, isn’t it? It’s so private, yet people feel so comfortable asking you about it. And while you want to keep it a secret so you don’t have to share the intricacies of your body, you want to shout it from the rooftops! I, too, have shared the “we’re trying” news with a couple of close girlfriends, some who have babies and some who are not yet ready for that stage of their lives, and both have given me wonderful support. Just what I needed 🙂

    Nikol, That’s so interesting! I have been thinking a lot about telling friends/family about the blog. While I would love their support and to have them share in the adventures with me, I also want to be able to “announce” my pregnancy when it happens… I don’t want my closest pals to read it on my blog first! So I’m still torn on who to tell.

  5. I know how you feel! It took me a while to share my blog with friends (other than close family), not sure why really. I guess I was afraid they would look at it and laugh or be appalled if they knew some of the stuff I was doing or thinking that I didn’t share with them.

    And I, too, wonder about when it’s okay to share the news with others. I understand the argument from both sides but I haven’t determined for myself whether I’ll wait to announce or tell everyone within earshot. I guess we’ll have to wait and see!

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