She Says… Feeling like a Popped Balloon

I woke up this morning at 5am and had to pee. Immediately I remembered that we planned to take a pregnancy test today. If you’ve been keeping up with me, you’ll know that I went off birth control about two months ago and have not yet had a period. Although the hubster and I have been doing our darndest to make a baby in that time, I’m skeptical that I’ve started ovulating again yet. According to the calendar, I should have gotten my period two days ago. I have a pimple the size of Rhode Island on my nose, I’ve been crampy and irritable the last few days… in short, I thought maybe this was going to be it. Honestly, at this point, I would be happy with either “it”: getting a positive pregnancy test or getting my period.

I didn’t want to wake up so early this morning, so I debated with myself if I could hold it until 6am, when my alarm would go off. I couldn’t. So I got up, peed in a cup, and dipped the stick. I laid it gently on the counter, said a little prayer, and got back into bed. No surprise… I couldn’t fall back asleep knowing that the results were sitting in the other room. I rolled around until 5:45am and then stumbled into the bathroom to see what I could see: “Not Pregnant”.

Pop! I felt… deflated. Let down. Like all the hope and stress and excitement that I had puffed myself up with had evaporated all of a sudden. I didn’t cry or get upset, I just breathed all of that spazzy energy out, and moved on with my day.

 The upside of this negative test is that we will not be having  a December baby. When Benjamin and I first discussed trying to get pregnant, we both agreed we did not want a baby with a birthday on or around Christmas. The holidays are so hectic already, I feel like the kid gets the short of the stick when their birthday is not a special event. That’s why we weren’t even going to start trying until May or June… but we were too anxious. This negative test brings me one month closer to a spring baby, which brings to mind idyllic days strolling in the sunshine with the little one. That sounds much nicer than crazy December birthdays overshadowed by the holidays, and not being able to take a newborn outside for 3 months since it’s so darn cold here in Boston in the winter.

The downside is, of course, that I still don’t know if I am ovulating. It has been 58 days since my last period. I think it’s time to call the doctor and see what’s going on down there (or not going on, as the case may be).

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3 responses to “She Says… Feeling like a Popped Balloon

  1. You poor thing! I definitely know the feeling and I agree that checking with the doctor is a good next step. 🙂

  2. Tabitha, Thanks! I know you can relate. Hopefully things will be “normal” soon enough.

  3. Pingback: Pregnancy Dates Calculator

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