She Says… Boston Marathon Tragedy

Yesterday, these pictures made me so happy.

Today, I can’t look at them without tears.

For anyone who has not heard, two bombs exploded near the finish line of the Boston Marathon yesterday while thousands of runners were still on the course, and thousands more were in the near vicinity cheering them on. So far I think there have been 3 confirmed deaths and over 100 reported injuries, many of them very, very serious.

Thank you to all who reached out to our family to see if we were ok yesterday amidst the chaos. I am so thankful to be able to say that we were safe away from the bombs and Owen was at home taking a nap when the blasts actually occurred. So thankful. Still, knowing that there were so many “If we hadn’t done X, we would have done Y”s that would have put us RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THEN, is harrowing. It’s totally surreal to see the video of the exact place where we watched a dear friend finish the marathon a few short years ago (and less than a block from my office) thick with smoke and covered in debris and bodies. And, of course, not everyone was as lucky as we were.

Marathon Monday is a holiday here in Massachusetts. It’s the unofficial start to spring. It’s the day when you walk down the street and everyone is a friend and neighbor. It’s the day when, no matter who you vote for or to whom you pray, you come out and clap and cheer and ring your cowbell for the amazing people participating in this historic event. If you are anything like me, tears stream down your face when you see those first wheelchairs whizzing past you. You are struck by the strength and power of the human body and spirit. Even if you are not running, no matter where on the route you watch, it feels like you are a part of a tradition so vast that you can’t help but be thankful to be a small part of it.

It is the innocence of carrying a red balloon around and reveling in the beauty of the season, the event, and love and pride for where you live.

Yesterday’s bombing shattered that innocence. At least for me. Owen has no idea what happened (and I will do my best to keep it that way), but it changed things for him, too.

The world that he is growing up in is so different from the one that I grew up in.

Social media has a strange effect on tragedy. On one hand, a friend commented on my Facebook page and told me to get Owen inside because of the bombs long before I ever turned on the tv to hear the awful news. If we HAD been downtown, that comment literally could have saved our lives. Or helped us get out of the city before all transportation was shut down. Or at least helped us answer questions of what just happened. On the other hand, constant information from Facebook and Twitter and news feeds so often means MISinformation. The many inaccurate things reported in the heat of the moments yesterday are both confusing and damaging to those seeking the truth. Horrible images circulated without permission that many of us can not get out of our heads. The way that tragedy unfolds with constant information updates (both true and untrue) is complicated and scary.

My heart is breaking for those who were downtown and were affected by the bombs. And also for those of us who feel violated by the way a tragedy like this, so close to home, changes everything about how we feel when we walk out our door.

Hug your loved ones extra close today and every day.

 

 

She Says… Time Should Stop

I was going to write a post today about how Owen’s new favorite game is to play hide and seek. And blah blah blah it’s so cute.

But you know what?

Bigger things are happening. Lives are beginning and ending this very second. And while I know that happens every day, while I blog away about mundane things like what Owen ate for breakfast and getting a balloon at music class and how my belly is expanding faster than I thought possible, today feels different.

Late last night, my sweet friend Bridget passed away. She and I attended a small all-girls’ school together for many years. I had my first taste of beer at a party in her basement… long before she was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer during her senior year at Boston University. We wore long, white gowns and carried red roses together the day we graduated from high school… long before she began to think about her life in terms of months instead of years. After college graduation we both ended up in Boston and we chatted about turning her blog into a book, how she could use her heart-wrenching fight with cancer to inspire others and how my husband could shoot a documentary of her when she was healthy enough to have a baby with her amazing husband… long before she knew that she would not make it to her 30th birthday.

Bridget was a warrior. She fought cancer from the day she was diagnosed, and she fought hard. It bothers me to hear people say that she “lost” the battle against this disease, because that’s not how I would put it at all. She fought, and she won, for 9 whole years. Long past the timeline her doctors gave her. During that time she inspired thousands upon thousands of people through speaking engagements and tireless efforts to support the Susan G. Komen foundation and walks around the country. And then, when she was tired of fighting, she made the decision to stop. She traveled and savored the rest of her time with her husband and family. She didn’t lose. She won.

So although we all have “stuff” going on today, and every day, I hope you can take a moment to stop time, and think about the big things that are happening. See the forest through the trees.

And I’m not going to tell you how to spend your money, but I know what Bridget would have asked you to do. Support cancer research however you can. Donate. Walk/run/race. Share her story.

 

 

In Bridget’s last blog post that she wrote in December, she asked that we not forget her. I know that I, for one, never could. I hope you can’t either.

She Says… Role Model

Owen has a crush.

A crush on Benjamin’s friend and coworker, Mike.

Mike is a musician (when he’s not working with Benjamin on video production stuff). He plays a ton of instruments. Owen and I have taken a weekly music class since he was 8 or 9 months old, and he plays a ton of instruments too. Clearly, they are soulmates.

Since Mike lives in New York yet works with Benjamin a lot, he often spends the night at our house when they have an early shoot.

You should see the love in Owen’s eyes when he hears that Mike is in our house.

Last night, Owen and Mike had some quality time playing the sax together. It’s pretty much the sweetest thing. Owen was in heaven.

I adore how Owen looks up to Mike and pretty much worships the ground he walks on.

Want to see their duet?

She Says… Putting Him Through The Ringer

Benjamin has been traveling a lot lately. Thankfully travel for my job is relatively infrequent (once every two months or so, usually), and planned far in advance. So 99% of the time, I’m the one at home, holding down the fort with Owen.

I think he’s gotten used to it. I think we’ve both gotten lazy with trying to balance who does what, even when Benjamin is home. Owen and I have our groove, so even when Benjamin is home, I tend to take the lion’s share of the Owen responsibilities. Even though it’s not 50/50, it works for us. And Benjamin does 100% of the dishes and dinner clean-up, so I’m pretty sure I’m getting the better end of the deal.

However, I left Wednesday afternoon for a 4 day trip to Chicago. And it’s the first time that Owen has really put Benjamin through the ringer. He’s always been a Mama’s Boy, but usually when I’m actually gone and out of the house, he falls right in line with Benjamin and they totally love having some one-on-one time.

But this time? This time he’s not happy that I left. And he’s taking it out on Daddy.

The first night I was gone, Benjamin had a job that ran late, so Owen’s Grammy and Grampy picked him up from school and did our evening routine. We had prepped Owen about it for days, so he was totally prepared and even excited for them to pick him up, and apparently he was a total angel. The next morning went ok too (which I was a little worried about, since I always wake Owen up and he can be a little ornery to anyone other than me when he’s waking up). But last night at pickup, well, let’s just say it didn’t go so well.

Benjamin was late. Really late. His work is not nearly as predictable as mine, so while I always pick up by 5pm on the dot, Benjamin was stuck in traffic until 6pm (the latest we can pick him up from daycare). So Owen was tired. And hungry. And I bet he was expecting to see me. So he cried and yelled that he didn’t want to go home. And “I don’t like Daddy”ed so much that Benjamin felt like he was kidnapping him to take him home from school. I imagine the night continued to snowball as Benjamin reported he had a terrible time flossing, brushing, and bedtime-ing in general.

Poor guy.

I think we’re squarely in the stage where leaving is not as easy as it used to be. This too shall pass, right? I sure hope so, because the next few weeks our calendar is so ridiculously full that I feel like we are having a babysitter more than we have all year, combined. I’m hoping Owen can change his attitude, or at least get over the fact that it won’t always be ME putting him down at night and getting him up in the morning.

She Says… A Delicious Thanksgiving, With or Without Gluten

Given that Benjamin’s celiac diagnosis came right before Thanksgiving, I had to quickly come up with a gluten-free Plan B for almost every dish I usually make for the big day. We hosted 11 adults and 3 kids, and only 3 out of the 14 were gluten free. But still,  it was really important to me that everyone was able to eat [almost!] everything, and no one got unintentionally glutened in the process. Not the easiest task, but certainly easier to do at MY house than at someone else’s.

We have gone back and forth spending Thanksgiving with Benjamin’s family or with my family. This year, we got a little of both (though not all of either — too many families, too little time!).

My brother and sister-in-law, their two kids (Tori, almost 2, and James, 4 months), and their dog Charlie drove up from Philly to spend a few days with us. I was so happy to see them and to have some of my family represented at the Thanksgiving table! As I said in my last post, we had a blast while they were here, showing them our favorite playgrounds and pulling all of Owen’s toys out of the cabinets.

On Thursday afternoon, some of Benjamin’s family joined us for Turkey Day. I supplied the turkey, stuffing, rolls and cranberry sauce, and others brought vegetable side dishes. This worked out so well for the gluten issue — they didn’t have to adjust their dishes since things like mashed potatoes, butternut squash and peas don’t have gluten anyway. We even made gravy from the turkey drippings with gluten free flour and no one noticed the difference!

The pie baker in the family was even up for trying a gluten free pie crust so the non-gluten eaters even had their very own pumpkin pie. I don’t know how she did it, but man, it was delicious!

Turkey: I was surprised to see that several of the turkeys available at my grocery store were pre-brined or flavored with things like “artificial flavoring” (even the organic ones!!!), which often is wheat-based. Thankfully I found one brand that had a big “gluten free” icon on it and was able to find a perfect 20 pounder to take home. We prepared it according to our recent family tradition (started last year — side note: Owen looks like such a baby in the pics from last year!) of wrapping it in bacon. It doesn’t get much more delicious than that.

Stuffing: I vaguely followed this recipe for Apple & Onion Stuffin’ Muffins for both my gluten and gluten-free stuffing. I sauteed a ton of onions, celery, apples and spices. Then I kept my two bowls of bread separate, split the sauteed veggies and apples between them, and then added gluten-free chicken broth until they were the right texture to bake. For gluten stuffing I just used a bag of good ol’ Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix, and for the gluten free stuffing I made a batch of homemade French bread and dried it out. Both were delicious, if I do say so myself.

Rolls: Easy peasy bake ‘n serve rolls for the gluten-eaters, and from-a-box gluten-free cornbread muffins for the gluten-free. Hey, gotta cut corners when you’ve got so much going on in the kitchen!

Cranberry sauce: I like a tart chutney rather than a jellied cylinder, so I make my own by throwing a bag of cranberries, a washed but unpeeled orange (sliced into quarters) and a little bit of sugar to taste in the food processor. I could eat it with a spoon it’s so delicious. And believe me, I did.

We had so many leftovers I’m STILL eating turkey with all the fixins for almost every meal. Tomorrow is my cut-off, though. Whatever’s left goes in the trash and I have to return from my turkey-infused haze back to the real world!

She Says… Double Diagnosis

Remember when we FINALLY figured out that Owen’s eczema (and likely a lot of his breastfeeding issues) was related to a wheat sensitivity/allergy? Since he was 8 or 9 months old we have kept Owen gluten free and so many of his health issues have disappeared. Despite the fact that we thought maybe he would grow out of it as he grew up, every time that we have re-tested wheat back into his diet (under direction from his doctor), his rash/ear infections/other illnesses have returned. It’s so clear to me that there is a link here, even though it hasn’t been confirmed by blood tests or extensive allergy testing. That’s enough for me.

Still, Benjamin and I were somewhat confused at the diagnosis because neither of us have any food allergies (Benjamin has developed oral allergy syndrome late in life, but that’s just a minor reaction, likely related to his seasonal allergies). But, I figure they have to start somewhere. And even if we never know “where it came from”, it’s there. Which, again, is enough for me.

Fast forward to this past April. Benjamin started having extreme stomach pains, tenderness and bloating. At first I thought he was just complaining (which, as a self-proclaimed hypochondriac, he has a tendency to do…), but the pain persisted for weeks. He saw several different doctors, had blood tests, a urinalysis and an ultrasound done, but still, no solid diagnosis. It began to feel like even the doctors thought he was imagining it. The stomach pain spread to back pain and even materialized as testicular pain, leading him to new doctors to rule out [very scary] things like testicular cancer. Finally, a blood test came back with a marker than indicated celiac disease. After a few more appointments, seeking out a celiac specialist (thank goodness for living so close to some of the top medical institutions in the country, including Beth Israel, which is one of the only hospitals in the world with a Celiac Center) and an endoscopy, the diagnosis is now confirmed.

Benjamin has celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder characterized by a damaged intestinal lining that can lead to serious health issues if a strict gluten free diet is not adhered to. The endoscopy showed that his intestinal lining is pretty severely damaged, despite the fact that he hasn’t had any poop issues or other common celiac symptoms. If we hadn’t persisted with the doctors for these vague stomach pains, we never would have found out.

We had been testing out a gluten free/dairy free diet for Benjamin for several months while he saw the multitude of doctors, since I am a firm believer in the impact of diet on our bodies and suggested he try it. As it turned out, my instincts were right again. And, given Owen’s experiences with wheat, Benjamin’s diagnosis almost doesn’t surprise me. I say almost, because I’m still totally amazed at how acutely the symptoms materialized, and how extreme they were, despite the fact that he has eaten gluten his whole life with no issues.

Since we already keep Owen gluten free, I am pretty familiar with what the good products are, how to bake muffins and breads, and what I can and can’t make for him. However, we often “cheat” a little with him (using soy sauce, for instance, or a marinade with a wheat-based ingredient in it) because he is able to tolerate very small amounts of wheat with no symptoms.

With Benjamin’s celiac diagnosis, though, there can’t be any more cheating. For him, it’s not the symptoms (in fact, even when staying gluten free, his stomach pains still come and go) that are the problem. It’s the invisible and undetectable damage to his intestinal lining. “Cheating” now means permanently damaging his body and increasing his chances of cancer, malabsorption of vitamins, other autoimmune disorders, liver disease, and on and on.

Given that 1st degree family members of celiacs have a higher likelihood of having the disease, I am going to conservatively assume that Owen has celiac and work to make our house 100% gluten free (perhaps later in life we will get him blood tested and even do an endoscopy to see how damaged his intestines are). I’ll still eat some granola bars and boxed cereals with gluten, but in general, this won’t be a huge shift for us, given that we’re already more than halfway there. I feel so thankful that we know this now so that Owen has the potential to escape the serious health implications of this disease through a strict gluten free diet for the rest of his life.

So, any fellow celiacs out there? How strict are you about sharing dishes – do you have a strictly gluten free set of pots and pans, baking dishes? What about things like butter and peanut butter – do you have a separate one for knives that touch gluten? What do you say at restaurants or when friends invite you over for dinner so they understand the severity and what it means? Where is the strangest place you’ve ever found wheat/gluten? Just this morning we realized our multivitamins had gluten and we need to find a different kind. Thankfully we eat very little processed food so I’m very in control of the ingredients we use, but things like vitamins and shredded cheese were not even on my radar before this diagnosis.

She Says… Hurrication 2012

I am a serious eye-roller when it comes to weather predictions and drama-filled news stories like “THE END OF THE WORLD IS UPON US! GO GET A MILLION LOAVES OF BREAD AND HUNKER DOWN IN YOUR BASEMENT FOR THE NEXT WEEK! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!”. More often than not, I’m right. Still, though, you never know when those predictions might actually be right. So despite my blase attitude, I still had candles out, flashlights with extra batteries ready and water stockpiled for Hurricane Sandy that blasted the East Coast the last two days. Thankfully, though Sandy pummeled us pretty well and we were without power for a little while, we were in the minority who fared very well throughout the storm (I am writing this now from my house, with power, while Owen plays happily at school, which is open). I know others were not as fortunate.

Entertaining an astonishingly active toddler, fighting through painful teething, who can’t get out of the house for 2 days was almost more exhausting than worrying about the storm itself. So thankful my mom could be here with us to keep us company while Benjamin was traveling this weekend. I might have lost my mind doing this one alone. She came up for just a short visit, which got extended thanks to the hurricane, so she’s here until Thursday!

Benjamin’s flight home was also cancelled, but he opted to rent a car and brave the roads from Buffalo, NY to Boston on Monday — NOT happy that he was out driving while the storm was ramping up, but I was so happy to have him home safe and sound Monday night when it got really bad!

We pretty much played with every toy we own, and I dug deep into my craft supplies and into the depths of my babysitter/camp counselor brain to think of some new activities to keep him occupied.

We danced and bounced. (Dudes, check out his ballet routine at :30. It rocks.)

 

We baked up delicious gluten free pumpkin rolls and homemade granola. Not bad things to have on hand if you can’t open the refrigerator for a few days, eh?

We played playdoh. And, thanks to my mom, the activity lasted longer than it ever has before (like, 30 minutes, rather than 2 or 3) because she taught Owen all kinds of new skills like rolling snakes and using cookie cutters. Grandmas (or RahRahs, in our case) are the absolute best.

We played all of our CD’s, played all of our instruments and danced around the house some more. Owen digs the “wandering minstrel” thing, and sashayed through the house singing songs with various instruments (ukelele, djembe drum, maracas, etc.).

And we decorated our pumpkins, toddler-style.

Owen was a basket case by the end of 2 days in the house. Ahem. We all were. We spend most of our time OUT of the house (at music class, going for walks, running errands, on the playground, at the dog park, on the playground some more…), so we were not used to having so much time to fill at home.

So thankful that we have power today and that Owen’s school was open. Hooray for small miracles. Thinking about everyone else who was not as fortunate through this storm — hang in there!

Did Sandy affect you? How did you pass the time with your kid(s)?

She Says… Birthday Blunder

One of Owen’s best buddies, Sam, turned three this past weekend. And we learned a very important lesson. Read on…

The party began with a LOT of jumping and giggling. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but balloons make a birthday party. I’ve never seen anything like it. Give some preschoolers a totally empty (padded?) room with a dozen helium balloons and let them go to town, and you’ve got the recipe for the BEST! BIRTHDAY! EVAH!

And then they continued with more jumping on Sam’s new big boy bed.

…and some more jumping around in Sam’s castle. Owen crawled right in and shouted, “I’M A DRAGON!!!”. Oh how I love the enthusiasm of a toddler pretending.

(The castle was no match for Owen’s overzealous jumping/climbing). Don’t worry, no toddlers were harmed in the breaking of this building.

Then they stopped jumping for a few minutes to eat some lunch.

It was one of our first experiences with not allowing Owen to have the food everyone else was eating due to his wheat allergy/gluten intolerance/celiac. I’ll do another allergy update on this again soon, but recent evidence has made us change our minds about the “Oh, he can have some wheat when we’re out and about” attitude, and moved us back into “totally gluten free” territory. I thought he’d be upset about not being able to have nuggets (which he adores), but he was totally cool with having something else. I even brought him homemade gluten free chocolate chip cookies to have instead of cake/cupcakes, and rather than feeling left out, I think he felt special. Phew, crisis averted.

And now for the lesson we learned.

When we were ready for the birthday piece de resistance — blowing out the birthday candles, Owen, ever the spotlight hog, dashed over from across the room and blew out Sam’s candle before he could get to it! He actually did it before any of us really knew what was happening — I was snapping pictures, totally unaware of the renegade candle blowing that was about to happen.

That little stinker! To his credit, I’m going to bet he had no idea that it wasn’t a nice thing to do. Egocentricity is the basis of toddlerhood, after all, and I imagine all he was thinking was how fun it was to be the center of attention at his birthday party.

Still, there were tears. And understandably so. After the parents all had a good laugh (poor Sam!), the candles were lit again and we all sang again and Sam got his moment to shine.

And I added yet another thing to the list of “things I never expected to have to teach my kid”.

Suffice to say Owen was pooped after all of that attention stealing and I got a quiet ride home and a nice, long nap.

Oh, and his chubby little hands haven’t let go of that balloon since Saturday afternoon. He’s been carrying it around our house like it’s his prized possession. Remind me of that next time I need a cheap way to keep my kid happy for a week.

 

She Says… Oktoberfest… for toddlers?

We usually try to plan our weekends around social events. And while that makes it sound like we are partying it up every day and night, they are generally social events… for Owen. His afternoon nap is usually 1:00-3:30pm ish, so the day is broken up into two distinct blocks. The morning block is the longest stretch. When he was little, I used to plan events just to get us through that long stretch; these days it’s much more relaxed and flexible, and I plan the events to keep us all entertained and happy.

My little social butterfly loves a full dance card.

This past weekend we had one of those perfect social events that was really for Benjamin and I (with our friends, doing what we wanted to be doing), but Owen had such a blast I guarantee he thought the event was planned just for him.

Our next door neighbors, who have become really close friends of ours since we moved into our new house (and who are due with their first baby next year — we’re all very excited!), had their annual Oktoberfest party over the weekend. They live literally right next door and our baby monitor reaches their yard, so we were able to have an hour or so at the party in the afternoon while Owen finished up his nap (GLORIOUS!). Once he woke up, I popped over to get him out of bed and brought him back to the party.

He was in heaven being the center of attention at a party of adults.

He ate. A lot. This kid can put away as many brats as a full grown man.

He chatted about cameras and beer with the best of ‘em.

He snuggled. It got pretty chilly, in true Oktoberfest style.

He even helped “the boys” move the couch in front of the outdoor fireplace when the sun went down. He kept running up to everyone at the party, getting right in their face and saying, “The sun goin’ down!”.

It’s like he’s a college kid already.

She Says… Future Federer

Owen had his first unofficial tennis lesson while we were visiting my dad last weekend.

You see, my dad adores tennis. He started teaching my siblings and I to play when we were Owen’s age, or even younger. We always joked that his life’s mission was to raise a tennis star.

It didn’t work out that way for any of us, but maybe Owen will be the future Federer in the family.

My Dad even still had the teeny tiny tennis racquet that I learned to play on. Just waiting for the grandkids.

Owen’s tennis playing style mimics my own. A lot of silliness; a lot less contact with the ball.

What he lacked in skill, he sure made up for with enthusiasm!

You know, for the first 5 minutes. Until he got bored of everyone trying to get him to do something that he wasn’t quite good at yet. (I know that feeling well!).

So then he became the ball boy. He was a GREAT ball boy. We even got to play a little while he ran around the court chasing balls.

Check out my little tennis player in action! (The way he spread his feet and gets into position is my favorite part).

*And a shout out to Allie for the title of this post. She is so confident in Owen’s tennis playing abilities that she reserved a couple seats in his private box when he gets famous.