She Says… Double Diagnosis

Remember when we FINALLY figured out that Owen’s eczema (and likely a lot of his breastfeeding issues) was related to a wheat sensitivity/allergy? Since he was 8 or 9 months old we have kept Owen gluten free and so many of his health issues have disappeared. Despite the fact that we thought maybe he would grow out of it as he grew up, every time that we have re-tested wheat back into his diet (under direction from his doctor), his rash/ear infections/other illnesses have returned. It’s so clear to me that there is a link here, even though it hasn’t been confirmed by blood tests or extensive allergy testing. That’s enough for me.

Still, Benjamin and I were somewhat confused at the diagnosis because neither of us have any food allergies (Benjamin has developed oral allergy syndrome late in life, but that’s just a minor reaction, likely related to his seasonal allergies). But, I figure they have to start somewhere. And even if we never know “where it came from”, it’s there. Which, again, is enough for me.

Fast forward to this past April. Benjamin started having extreme stomach pains, tenderness and bloating. At first I thought he was just complaining (which, as a self-proclaimed hypochondriac, he has a tendency to do…), but the pain persisted for weeks. He saw several different doctors, had blood tests, a urinalysis and an ultrasound done, but still, no solid diagnosis. It began to feel like even the doctors thought he was imagining it. The stomach pain spread to back pain and even materialized as testicular pain, leading him to new doctors to rule out [very scary] things like testicular cancer. Finally, a blood test came back with a marker than indicated celiac disease. After a few more appointments, seeking out a celiac specialist (thank goodness for living so close to some of the top medical institutions in the country, including Beth Israel, which is one of the only hospitals in the world with a Celiac Center) and an endoscopy, the diagnosis is now confirmed.

Benjamin has celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder characterized by a damaged intestinal lining that can lead to serious health issues if a strict gluten free diet is not adhered to. The endoscopy showed that his intestinal lining is pretty severely damaged, despite the fact that he hasn’t had any poop issues or other common celiac symptoms. If we hadn’t persisted with the doctors for these vague stomach pains, we never would have found out.

We had been testing out a gluten free/dairy free diet for Benjamin for several months while he saw the multitude of doctors, since I am a firm believer in the impact of diet on our bodies and suggested he try it. As it turned out, my instincts were right again. And, given Owen’s experiences with wheat, Benjamin’s diagnosis almost doesn’t surprise me. I say almost, because I’m still totally amazed at how acutely the symptoms materialized, and how extreme they were, despite the fact that he has eaten gluten his whole life with no issues.

Since we already keep Owen gluten free, I am pretty familiar with what the good products are, how to bake muffins and breads, and what I can and can’t make for him. However, we often “cheat” a little with him (using soy sauce, for instance, or a marinade with a wheat-based ingredient in it) because he is able to tolerate very small amounts of wheat with no symptoms.

With Benjamin’s celiac diagnosis, though, there can’t be any more cheating. For him, it’s not the symptoms (in fact, even when staying gluten free, his stomach pains still come and go) that are the problem. It’s the invisible and undetectable damage to his intestinal lining. “Cheating” now means permanently damaging his body and increasing his chances of cancer, malabsorption of vitamins, other autoimmune disorders, liver disease, and on and on.

Given that 1st degree family members of celiacs have a higher likelihood of having the disease, I am going to conservatively assume that Owen has celiac and work to make our house 100% gluten free (perhaps later in life we will get him blood tested and even do an endoscopy to see how damaged his intestines are). I’ll still eat some granola bars and boxed cereals with gluten, but in general, this won’t be a huge shift for us, given that we’re already more than halfway there. I feel so thankful that we know this now so that Owen has the potential to escape the serious health implications of this disease through a strict gluten free diet for the rest of his life.

So, any fellow celiacs out there? How strict are you about sharing dishes – do you have a strictly gluten free set of pots and pans, baking dishes? What about things like butter and peanut butter – do you have a separate one for knives that touch gluten? What do you say at restaurants or when friends invite you over for dinner so they understand the severity and what it means? Where is the strangest place you’ve ever found wheat/gluten? Just this morning we realized our multivitamins had gluten and we need to find a different kind. Thankfully we eat very little processed food so I’m very in control of the ingredients we use, but things like vitamins and shredded cheese were not even on my radar before this diagnosis.

She Says… Waaaaaah

Remember this? This was me one year ago today. Buying our new car just days before Owen was going to pop out. And pop he did. Oh man was I gigantic! And swollen!

And then this happened. And all of a sudden our little family grew.

And Owen arrived. And my heart grew even bigger than I ever imagined was possible. And, thankfully, my stomach STOPPED growing. Because really, it was getting a little ridiculous.

And then something weird happened. Time started to distort.

During those first few days and weeks, time seemed to stop. I didn’t answer emails or phone calls. I was totally and completely wrapped up in my own little world. It took me 5 minutes to change a diaper, carefully wiping around that weird little umbilical cord stump. I agonized over how to wrap swaddle blankets and if Owen should have socks on and if he was getting enough to eat. Tears ran down my cheeks as I tried and tried and tried to breastfeed but there were just too many issues to contend with. I beamed with pride at the little miracle… the tiny person I had just brought into the world. I gasped and clapped and celebrated every movement he made, every stretch of his fingers and little milestone he reached.

A few months later as I got the hang of the whole mom thing and went back to work, time started flying. ZOOMING by. The milestones began coming a mile a minute. He can sit unpropped! He can roll over! He can roll over both ways! He’s eating solids! He can pull up to a stand! He can babble! He can drink from a sippy cup! He’s feeding himself! He took a step! He took five steps! He’s WALKING!

These days, if I close my eyes even for a second, he is off and toddling. He is climbing and twirling and eating and exploring. He babbles and parrots sounds I make and does some sign language. He understands concepts like “in” and “out”, “open” and “closed”. He can understand sentences like “Give the ball to the doggie” (that particlar one is usually combined with, “No! Don’t eat that! Yucky! That’s a DOGGIE BALL. DOG. BALL.”). Or “Can you put the toy IN the basket?”. It is astonishing to talk to him and feel like, all of a sudden, he knows what I’m saying. And it means something to him.

So today marks the beginning of the weekend-long celebration of Owen’s first year. Yes, we had to reschedule his party, because no one was around, but we still have an awesome weekend planned. And there will be cake. Oh yes, there will be cake. It’s got me thinking a lot about what was happening this time last year. I’ve never in my life felt so overwhelmed by how much changed in a year. Waaaaaaaah! Mama’s feeling sentimental!

Owen will have been outside of my body for 365 days on Sunday. That’s a lot of days. HE WILL BE 1 WHOLE YEAR OLD. In the shortest year of my life, he has transformed from a helpless, wriggly newborn into a rambunctious, hilarious toddler. Wow. That’s a lot to celebrate.

She Says… The Great Allergy Experiment

I talked with our pediatrician yesterday about Owen’s possible wheat allergy and asked for her opinion on seeing an allergist this early in Owen’s life. She confirmed my instinctual reservations about involving an allergist at this point. Babies at this age have lots of intolerances and allergies and issues with various foods because their guts are not mature. Going to an allergist right now could result in false positives, false negatives, and a general sense of frustration if we came home with a list a mile long of things that he tested positive for. Even with that list in hand, we still wouldn’t know which were “real” or which he would grow out of, or which were potentially dangerous or not a big deal at all. She encouraged me to keep a detailed list of things I think he has a reaction to, and at our 9 month appointment when they already draw blood for some other tests, she could run a blood allergy test for those specific things. I’m happy with this plan.

But although that appointment is only a few weeks away, I’m not satisfied with just sitting and waiting until then. No, not me. That would be too easy. And wouldn’t satisfy the voice inside my head that asks every day, “WHY is Owen’s eczema still here? What can I do to make it better? What might be causing it? How can I test this?“.

My pediatrician pointed out that it wasn’t necessarily the wheat that he reacted to. There were a few other ingredients in there he had never had before also. Milk. Or molasses. Or baking soda. It was a super simple bread, thankfully, and I made it myself so I know exactly what went in it.

As we talked, one word kept ringing in my ear. MILK.

The idea of a cow’s milk protein allergy has come up many, many, many times in the last 8 months. When Owen was having reflux and breastfeeding issues, I went on a strict milk and soy-free diet to test this theory. While I thought I saw some improvement in his eating behaviors about a week into the elimination diet, we were still having other physical challenges (due to his tongue tie and my nipple issues), so it was impossible to tease out what was helping and what was still problematic. Once his eczema started in November, he was eating regular formula so beautifully that I didn’t even consider it as a possible culprit because I was so thrilled to have a baby who ate comfortably and happily. We blamed the cold weather, the dry air from the heat in our house, the wind. Since he was doing solids around the time the eczema started, I eliminated each thing he had eaten, one by one, to rule them out. The eczema never budged, so after discussing with my pedi, we decided food wasn’t to blame, and to just keep treating the eczema symptoms. Fingers were crossed it would go away in the spring.

At Owen’s 6 month appointment we were encouraged to add yogurt to his diet, and recently we also added cheese. I guess I figured that if he was allergic to milk proteins, that something more dramatic would happen when we gave him more and more milk-based products. But nothing did. So in my head I pushed the possibility of a milk allergy farther and farther away.

When his cheeks flamed red after eating that bread last week and I saw “contains wheat” on his baby oatmeal, I thought I had figured it out. I really did. I thought that as soon as we stop the oats-with-wheat and wheat, his face would clear and we’d have our answer. And maybe it will; we’ve only eliminated those things for 4 days so far and it takes 10-14 to clear his system.

But yesterday his cheeks were worse than ever. Before we left for daycare that morning and I was packing Owen’s food into his backpack, I said to Benjamin, “Wow, Owen’s eating a lot of dairy today!”. He had yogurt and fruit and rice cereal for breakfast, broccoli, butternut squash and ricotta for lunch, and cheese cubes for a “chewing” snack. When I picked him up from daycare, his cheeks were riddled with raised, red bumps.

Finally, something clicked.

I think I may have been avoiding testing one of the most common allergens. One of the most common causes for eczema. The “food” that he has been eating since day 0, since I practically lived on them during my pregnancy. Milk proteins.

New plan: We’re going back to basics with everything Owen puts in his mouth. Starting with formula. Benjamin ran out last night (at midnight!) to get hypoallergenic formula for Owen. For the next two weeks, until April 20th, we’re eliminating all dairy AND wheat from Owen’s diet. No new foods allowed. Only fruits and veggies that he has eaten previously. Please, please, please let this test tell us something. Even if nothing changes, I guess that tells us something too.

The weather is still cold, so honestly I can’t rule out the possibility of the eczema being caused by dry air from heat. The eczema has never spread beyond his little cheeks, so it’s not like it is a whole body issue. It doesn’t seem to itch him like it did a few months ago, and he’s no longer scratching his cheeks and ears until they bleed. I thought it was getting better. But it’s not. It’s staying the same.

The Great Allergy Experiment begins NOW.

She Says… Food, Glorious Food

Eating has always been one of Owen’s favorite pasttimes. Yes, we had issues with nursing and breastfeeding, but eating food has always been a highlight of his day. Gee, I have NO idea where he gets that from.

I recently had a reader (Hi, Megan!) ask me to post about Owen’s eating and how it has progressed since we started solids. Happy to oblige.

We started “solids” super early with Owen. 4 months and 5 days, if my blog is correct. His first food was avocado mixed with breastmilk, and he gobbled it right up. At that point we did food midday, between bottles, whenever it was convenient. I think I started by doing it every other day, and then slowly got into the routine of doing it once every day. For the first few weeks he ate only avocado, peas, butternut squash and brown rice cereal. At almost 5 months I figured out I had excess lipase in my breastmilk, and breastmilk was still giving Owen reflux issues, and I was about to go back to work, so I made the decision to switch him to formula full-time. I wanted to make sure that the switch to formula wasn’t eliminating subtle flavors that Owen enjoyed, so I took his solid food to the next step.

At 5 months he was eating 2 solid meals a day, in addition to 4 bottles, and his repertoire had expanded to include oats, carrots, apples, prunes, bananas, green beans and sweet potatoes. Each meal was 2-3 food “cubes” (frozen ice cube tray sized cubes of pureed food, I think about an ounce each) with some oats or rice to thicken it into a paste. Instead of keeping foods separate, I started to mix and match. Even weird combinations. Anything to change the flavor slightly to give his taste buds something new. Apples and green beans? Sure. Sweet potatoes and avocado? Yum. Peas and oats? Delish.

By 6 months Owen had graduated to 3 meals a day, and honestly sometimes he would not even give me an “all done” sign like turning his head or pursing his lips. This kid could eat, eat, eat all day long. I imagine that if we’d actually kept feeding him we would eventually find the bottom of his little stomach, but I would usually cut him off after a bowl (or two) of food. I started making all kinds of foods to mix with the ones he’d already eaten. Spinach, white beans, lentils, yogurt, chicken, pears, blueberries, peaches, corn. He gobbled every single new thing I made him. There isn’t a single food he has refused (YET!). The mixtures got more and more fun as he consistently ate 3 food cubes at each meal. I could make little “complete meals” like chicken and sweet potatoes and green beans. Lentils and butternut squash and peas. I started adding spices like turmeric, cinnamon, and garlic. They were like little science experiments, mixing and matching and adding a dash of this and a pinch of that.

Now, at 8 months, a new development. I’ve been giving him chunkier purees for the last 2 months to try to encourage him to “chew” (aka gum, since he doesn’t have teeth yet) and to tolerate thicker textures. For awhile he would NOT tolerate chunks, and would do this very dramatic heaving/gagging when a single pea or blob of chicken escaped the food processor blade and made its way into his mouth. Finally something clicked, and he figured out how to moosh solid food between his gums. So now, in addition to three bowls of 3 food cubes a day, he’s also putting back a handful of puffs or bites of bread. Oh, and 28+ ounces of formula. Despite how much food he eats, he never really cut back on his formula ounces (he was drinking 30+ ounces of formula at 6 months!).

I know “they” say that babies under 1 only need formula or breastmilk to meet their nutritional needs. But I gotta tell you, I’m pretty certain Owen would be starving without his 3 meals a day. He is a HUNGRY kid. Lord help me when he gets to be a teenager.

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I’ve noticed that his cheeks turn bright red and get hot after he eats bread, so I’m presuming that he has a sensitivity to wheat. Neither Benjamin nor I have any food allergies, so I followed the AAP recommendations to introduce wheat at 8 months (ok for non-allergenic babies). I’m pretty sure it’s a reaction to the wheat since it happened about 30 minutes after he ate, and lasted only for a few hours. But we’ve only tried twice and I am not 100% certain that’s the issue. Has anyone else had this happen or dealt with similar food sensitivities? Did they turn into lifelong allergies, or were they just a baby thing?

Any ideas for other finger foods I can introduce that don’t contain wheat (just to be careful for now, until I ask the doctor about the possibility of a sensitivity/allergy)? Last night I made some mixed veggies and offered him individual peas and pieces of carrots. He did NOT like the way that they didn’t mush up in his mouth like the puffs and bites of soft bread, so I’m thinking he’s not quite ready for veggies. What else can I give him? The kid loves to eat

She Says… Get Out The Microscope

I love to fill my posts with stories and pictures and videos of Owen. But this post is going to be all about ME. Well, more like a lack of me. An absence of what once was. A situation I wasn’t quite prepared for.

As of a few weeks ago, I have no boobs.

Like, NO boobs.

Let me back up a second. I’ve always been a small-chested gal. And I awaited the day that I would get pregnant and could look forward to a little natural plumping in that department (among other things to be excited about, of course!). In the final weeks of my pregnancy, however, my boobs had barely budged an inch. My rib cage had expanded, so I outgrew all of my bras, but I didn’t see a huge difference in actual boobage. You know, cup size. I kept telling myself that when my milk came in, they would grow. And they did… eventually. I don’t remember it happening right in the beginning (though, let’s be honest, at that point I had put on about 40 pounds and everything was a bit plumper!), but once I started pumping and Owen was chowing down via a bottle, they really… uhhh… rose to the occasion. Yay! Despite the fact that they were super sensitive, I was happy with my new shape.

When I stopped breastfeeding (cold turkey, if you remember those few excrutiating days) I knew that they would deflate again. What I WASN’T prepared for, however, was that they would deflate MORE than they had grown!

That’s right. I have SMALLER boobs now than I did before I got pregnant. THAT’S something they don’t tell you in the baby books!

Sigh.

She Says… Cabbage Boobs

That title sounds like a bad spell check suggestion… but really, it’s true. I have cabbage boobs.

The last chapter of Owen’s and my breastfeeding saga is here. I’ve decided to stop pumping. I’m going to preface this post with a request that I have never made before: If you do not agree with my decision to stop breastfeeding, please keep that opinion to yourself. While I’m generally very open-minded about others’ opinions, I don’t want to hear it this time. I have thought long and hard about this decision and it has weighed heavily on my heart for awhile. So, please. I have enough guilt already. It was hard enough to make the decision and even harder to write about it, but I am confident that it is the right decision for our family at this time, so I will promptly delete and ignore any comments or emails that make it any harder for me.

That said, here’s how it all went down. I had originally envisioned breastfeeding Owen for a year. When we were in the throes of figuring out the complicated mess of issues that made breastfeeding impossible for us (reflux, a tongue tie, low milk supply, latch issues, etc.), I could barely imagine going one more feeding with nursing, let alone another day or another week. As time went on and we teased out the issues one by one and addressed them, we fell into a happy pattern of exclusively pumping and supplementing with formula whenever I couldn’t pump enough on a given day. A few weeks ago I realized that my entire freezer stash that I had worked so hard to save was unusable because I have excess lipase, and Owen refused to drink the funky smelling milk. Still, that was not the final straw. I continued pumping and planned on doing it until Owen was at least 6 months (January 24th).

However, as I begin to imagine how our lives are going to change when I return to work and Owen starts daycare in two weeks, I realized something important. If I have only an hour to see my son in the morning, I don’t want to spend nearly half of that pumping and sorting milk. And I don’t want to waste my brain space on counting ounces and calculating bottles and thinking about how many hours milk has been out or if it’s gone bad. And I would really like to get back into a routine where I can do things like work out and run errands on my lunch break or after work and not sit chained to my pump.

Still, there is a large part of me that feels like a terrible mother for making this decision because of things that I don’t want to be doing anymore. That’s where the guilt sets in. But, as Benjamin reminds me every day, people make most of their decisions based on their own wants and needs. I am certain that I have given Owen an outstanding start to a healthy life. And the whole family has sacrificed a lot to give him that in the last 5 months. Now that he’s eating solid food like a champ (he can’t get enough), I feel comfortable knowing that his palate is getting a wide range of flavors and textures and his body is getting tons of nutrients and vitamins from natural sources… and they don’t have to come from my body. And, bonus, he loves formula! Once he’s getting all formula, we may even be able to take him off of the reflux meds, because formula sits heavier in his stomach and he may not have the same issues with stomach acid.

The only problem now is how to stop. Since I have always been a low-producer, I thought it would be easy to stop pumping. Boy, was I wrong! Our bodies are made to feed our babies, and it’s not like a faucet you can just shut off. Hence, the cabbage boobs.

Now that I’ve made the decision to stop, I would like to be completely weaned from the pump by the time I return to work on January 3rd, which doesn’t leave a lot of time for slowly removing one pumping session a day, and gradually cutting back the amount of ounces I’m pumping. Instead, I opted to go cold turkey. Or, as cold turkey as I could handle, which is turning out to be a LOT more painful than I expected. I’ve read that putting cabbage leaves on your boobs can help manage the pain and swelling. I’m not sure what’s so magical about cabbage… maybe it’s just that it feels like a gentle ice pack when it comes straight out of the fridge, but I’ve been doing that for the last day or so. I’m also wearing a sports bra instead of a regular bra, since I’ve heard that compression can help keep the swelling down too. I’ve taken Tylenol a few times to reduce the swelling, but I don’t like popping pills if I don’t need to. And even though I’m trying not to pump, I’ve had to pump off 3 ounces or so every 6 hours during the day because the pain has gotten unbearable. I know I’ll have to stop doing that, too, so today I’m going to try to pump even less.

But… wow. It is pretty amazing how much it hurts, and how hard my boobs can get! They feel like rocks. For the first time in my life I feel like Dolly Parton.

Anyone else gone cold turkey on nursing/breastfeeding once your milk supply was established or struggle with engorgement? Any remedies I haven’t tried that worked for you? I’m desperate! But I sure am glad that I’m doing this now and not while I’m sitting at a desk trying to work (and leaking milk all over my nice work clothes).

She Says… Zen

For all of my blog posts “worrying” about this and “stressing” about that, you’d think I would be a wreck over what I’m about to say. But I’m being totally honest when I say that I am not. At all. In fact, I’m feeling pretty darn zen and at peace with pretty much everything right now.

After a few tries over the last few days with my funky frozen milk (we’ve tried it straight, mixed with fresh milk, mixed with formula, cold, warm, etc. etc.), Owen has made it clear that he won’t drink it. Or at least, he won’t drink it without a fight. A fight reminiscent of his eating prior to reflux meds and bottle feeding. A fight that I thank my lucky stars every day that we don’t HAVE to have, now that we’ve figured out all of his issues. And frankly, the smell is so disgusting to me that I don’t enjoy feeding him, and that has become one of my favorite things to do.

So I’ve made the decision to dump all the funky milk and just give him the fresh stuff. I don’t want to spend my last full month at home with Owen scalding, freezing and defrosting milk, being nervous about how long bags have been in the freezer and sniffing all of his bottles incessantly.

Hindsight is 20/20. I wish I’d known I wouldn’t be able to use my frozen milk so I wouldn’t have worried so much about increasing my supply to put some away. Or ordered that freezer for Christmas. Oops. We haven’t picked it up yet, so maybe I can return it

In any case, I’m impressed with my new “whatever will be, will be” attitude. Maybe it’s a result of knowing my time at home with Owen as a stay-at-home mom is running out, or maybe I’ve finally learned the lesson that I’m not in control (of pretty much anything!) anymore. Either way, we’re not going to sweat this. Now there’s more room in the freezer for ice cream and homemade baby food!

She Says… Yucky Milk

Yesterday I defrosted some breastmilk I had in the freezer. Breastmilk is good for about three months in the conditions of my freezer (stored on the middle shelf of a freezer attached to my refrigerator, which gets opened quite a few times a day), and since I started putting milk away back in September, I have some bags that are nearing their “use by” date. I figured I would defrost a few and use them so they wouldn’t go bad and then put my extra fresh milk in the freezer to be used in another few months. I have used frozen milk before with no problem, but this time something was different. I defrosted the bag in the refrigerator overnight and when I went to use it, it smelled GROSS. Not like spoiled milk, really, just… gross. Kind of plastic-y. And VERY strong. I could smell it from across the room. I store the milk in Lansinoh bags, which ARE plastic, but they are made for milk storage and are BPA free, so I figure that the plastic smell isn’t harmful.

Since it smelled so weird I didn’t want to give it to Owen. I dumped it down the drain, assuming it had not been frozen properly or was past its due date. Sadness! I worked so hard for that milk! I thought maybe the issue was with defrosting overnight, so I thawed another frozen bag in warm water. It smelled awful too. This time I tasted it, thinking that maybe it was just the smell of the plastic, but the milk was fine. Strangely enough, it was not spoiled. It tasted… off… but was not the smell of curdled or rotten milk. It tasted kind of salty, but generally like my milk normally tastes.

Then I remembered reading something about lipase in the past. Lipase is an enzyme that breaks down milkfat when the milk is stored, and some women find that their milk takes on a soapy or metallic taste when it is frozen when they have an excess of lipase. Apparently the milk is perfectly fine to feed your baby, but some babies reject it because of the funny taste. I am not sure if this is the issue with my frozen milk, though, because I’ve used other frozen milk without any issues. Has anyone out there experienced this issue in milk that’s been frozen for a long time, but not a short time? I’m thinking of defrosting some other milk today, spot checking to see when the strange smell happens (after 1 month? 2 months? only near the “end” of the storage time?).

Since I tasted the milk and it didn’t seem spoiled to me, I gave it to Owen as some of his milk before bedtime (3 ounces out of the 6 or so he usually eats). He was a bit fussy while eating and didn’t eat quite as much as usual, but he did take it and then promptly fell asleep like normal. No weird spitting up or poop or gas issues to speak of, so I think I can assume that the milk was ok. “They” say that babies won’t drink spoiled milk, so I figured if he didn’t take it, I should toss everything that smells that way. So I’m operating under the assumption that the issue is lipase.

Seriously, though, how many strange breastfeeding issues do I have to deal with? I think I’ve had my fair share. If Owen will accept small amounts of the smelly stuff, I can mix it in with my fresh milk and then freeze some more now for future use. I’ve read that if you scald your milk before freezing that it reduces the amount of lipase and helps with the funny smell.

Part of me wants to just give up on freezing if it is that complicated because I have a good groove going with exclusively pumping right now and I’m just about keeping up with Owen’s intake (since we started solid foods he’s eating a more normal amount of milk, like 28 ounces a day, which is just about what I can pump). I have a system that works well with pumping and giving him only fresh milk, and supplementing with formula when I can’t keep up on a given day. Since he takes the formula happily, we could always use that if I needed to travel or be away from him.

I don’t know, though, I still have visions of breastfeeding until he is a year old. Maybe that’s crazy. Benjamin certainly thinks it’s crazy. He’s ready for me to wean ASAP. And maybe he’s right. Owen will be 6 months in January and maybe I should pat myself on the back for breastfeeding this long and stop pumping. Decisions, decisions!

Any advice on lipase? Or another theory on why my milk smells so weird after being in the freezer for so long? Some websites suggest freezing in glass instead of plastic… maybe that would help? Anyone done this?

She Says… 4 months

Baby boy,

You are 4 months old! Where did last month go? It was a flurry of happy days and short nights and lots and lots of new developments. I can’t believe it was just a month ago that I was making the sad decision to stop nursing. Since then we have gotten your eating issues totally under control and you are growing like a little weed. Seriously. You are eating more than your cousin Becca who is 9 months old! Perhaps you’re still making up for “lost time” when you weren’t eating so well; you’ve been tossing back over 35 ounces every day for the last month (mostly breastmilk, which makes me very proud!). My little peanut isn’t going to be a peanut for very long. I can’t wait to see how much you weigh at your doctor’s appointment tomorrow.

There are moments when I look at you and think that I know every little teeny tiny part of you, inside and out. As well as I know myself. And then there are moments when you completely surprise me and show me something about you that I never knew before. We can sit and stare at each other all day. You cooing and gurgling, me talking back. You smiling and laughing, me making silly faces and sounds so I can hear that little laugh again and again. I know someday you’ll be too old to be silly with your Mama, and in a few short weeks you’ll be spending a lot of time being silly at daycare, so I’m soaking up these precious one-on-one moments as best I can.

You’ve gone back and forth on sleeping this month. Some good nights and some not so good. But one thing is for sure — as the number of wake-ups each night dwindles, the more I appreciate seeing your little face in the dark. Even when I don’t want to get out from under my warm covers, you change my mind entirely when I see your little eyes smiling at me in the dark. And while I would really, really like to remember what 6+ hours of sleep feels like, I can’t help but love breathing in your milk breath and rocking with you while you eat sleepily at night. And getting you up in the morning just might be my very favorite moment of all. As soon as I peek my face over the top of the crib, you open your mouth into the biggest crooked smile I’ve ever seen, and your little eyes dance. I pick you up and snuggle you, all warm and cozy in your sleep sack. Mmmm.

You’ve learned how to rock yourself onto your side and you’re very close to rolling all the way over. My strong little man. You LOVE to stand. You would stand all the time if you could. You don’t seem to have time or patience for sitting or laying down anymore. Your legs are so strong that sometimes I feel like if I let you go, you’d go running across the floor. We joke about you never learning how to sit because you always want to stand. I hope that’s not the case

I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, my little one, but you’re going bald. Your signature style, your defining feature, your rockstar fauxhawk is almost gone. At first Daddy and I were nervous, wondering if you’d still be the most adorable baby in the world even without your awesome hair. The verdict? You totally are. I daresay you’re even cuter than before. You have some new fuzzy hair growing in already, so I don’t think you’ll be bald for long. Thank goodness for hat season, eh?

My tiny man, you’re such a joy. Every day is better than the one before. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

I love you so, so, so much.
Mama

She Says… Baby Food

No, no, we’re not starting Owen on solid food just yet. He’s only 3 months old, people! BUT I did get to take part in an incredibly interesting discussion about babies and food led by Dr. Greene, a pediatrician and author of “Feeding Baby Green“.

It was all part of a pre-opening event generating buzz about the new Isis Parenting store opening on the South Shore. For those who are not local to the Boston area, Isis Parenting is the place where I’ve done both of my Mommy Groups, and the #1 reason I consider myself to be a sane, healthy, happy mom. It is, first and foremost, a community of the most knowledgeable and helpful early childhood development experts and new moms in the area. They have a retail store, classes, drop-ins, playgroups, support for breastfeeding and sleep issues, prenatal massage and yoga, postnatal workout classes and on and on. There are 4 centers around Boston, and now there’s a new center in town, on the South Shore. I got a sneak peek at the blueprints for the new store and it looks amazing! Anyway, Nancy, the lactation consultant who has been immensely helpful working through Owen’s issues with me, invited me to join her for this event with Dr. Greene.

Although we’re at least a month or two away from starting solid foods with Owen, Dr. Greene’s philosophy really inspired me to think about exactly what is going in his mouth. And my mouth. He explained that babies’ tastes and food preferences begin to be imprinted and established even before they enter this world. The foods that I ate while pregnant have a strong impact on Owen’s future eating behaviors. It’s a darn good thing I’m such a healthy eater! No, really. (Remember this post?) I firmly believe that my habits of eating mostly whole, natural foods, and cooking almost all of my food myself (rather than eating it out of a box) will set Owen up for a lifetime of eating well and being healthy. And even now, since he’s eating my breastmilk 99% of the time, he’s experiencing a variety of flavors and natural nutrients.

I have always heard that when you start babies on solid foods, you have to a) wait until 6 months due to possible allergies and b) starts with grains and then move to veggies and then to fruits, giving just one new food at a time so you can see if the baby has some reaction to it. Dr. Greene challenges both of these beliefs. First, he believes we are doing a great disservice to our children by offering them processed, bland, white rice cereal as their first food. He cited a study that was done generations ago that found that simply switching from white rice to brown rice cured many of the diseases/conditions that were killing people at the time. Apparently white rice, back then, was stripped of important B vitamins and simply adding those vitamins back into their diets completely reversed the damage that they had done to their bodies. Although nowadays those B vitamins are added back into white rice, it still stands to reason that we shouldn’t be giving our children something so processed and stripped down from its natural state as their first food.

In fact, he advises us to start solid foods with fruits and vegetables that babies and children can experience with all of their senses. Give them a banana that they can hold, see the color of, see you eat a piece of, and finally taste. This way, in addition to getting totally natural nutrients, they are also learning where food comes from and how we eat it, rather than learning that it is white, tasteless mush that comes from a box.

In a world that is scared silly of allergies, I tend to side with Dr. Greene on this one. Years ago, no one would have separated foods the way that we do, and jarred baby food didn’t even exist. People just mashed up whatever they were eating and gave it to their babies. Although I wouldn’t start Owen out on highly allergenic foods like peanuts, I feel strongly about starting him out on REAL food, and not mush from a box.

Dr. Greene’s talk was very timely for me, as I am struggling with the breastmilk vs. formula issue. He mentioned that formula fed babies are at a slight disadvantage in the world of eating because they are only tasting one taste for many months. Because of this, he would opt to start formula-fed babies on solids earlier than those fed exclusively breastmilk. He thinks that the more tastes you offer your baby, and the more times they are offered, the more likely they are to eat lots of different foods.

I will not stand for having a 2 year old eating only french fries and macaroni and cheese. In fact, I’m not even sure my 2 year old will know what french fries (except the kind I make at home from sweet potatoes!) will taste like. But it’s amazing how many parents say, “My kid will only eat X”. Granted, I have not been there yet, but I like to think I can win that battle before it’s ever fought by exposing Owen to as many whole, natural, healthy foods as possible, starting from the day I saw that little plus sign.

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Addendum and apology: I realize, after reading many of the comments below, that my words were not well chosen in the post above! I apologize if they were taken as condescending or judgmental of others’ decisions or experiences. I did not intend to make a statement about anyone else’s decisions or choices, only my own hopes for Owen’s future. I absolutely realize that, as with everything else parenting-related, I have a lot to learn! And, more importantly, it will never turn out as I planned. My passion for this topic came across as absolute and unyielding, and that’s not really how it is at all. I definitely eat french fries and macaroni and cheese once in awhile, and I still consider myself to be a healthy eater. I realize that once Owen starts solid foods, he will develop his own tastes and preferences (hey, he probably already has them now, although it’s harder for him to show it). And it will be beyond my control! I simply meant to say that I hope to give him the best foundation possible.

Again, apologies if anyone felt offended by my wording. I blame having to write the post as fast as possible so I could get a shower before naptime ended