She Says… The Last Vacay

Well, the last vacay before the little guy arrives. Hopefully not our last one ever!

We headed for the airport Friday morning to enjoy a long weekend with friends and their one year old in a condo in Florida. For the first time, I wasn’t even nervous about traveling with Owen.

 

We planned our flights around naptimes so that we weren’t expecting him to nap on the plane (aka expecting the impossible), which proved to be an excellent strategy. He’s to the age now where he is easily entertained by TALKING no matter where he is, so even though he needs to run around, I knew we could keep him occupied in the “waiting” times pretty easily.

 

He’s also old enough to walk everywhere and get himself in and out of seats and security lines, so there was very little need to carry him, which was an added bonus.

The best part of all? We flew JetBlue, so he had unlimited access to a tv during the flight. I threw my normal screen-time limits out the window and everyone was happy

Since then we’ve spent our days away from computers and phones and enjoying time in the pool and the ocean.

Man, vacay feels good. Pics to come.

She Says… Enjoying the Now

I feel like I write so often about the hard parts about having a toddler. The annoying things. The behavioral challenges. The “problems”. So, this Mother’s Day, I just stopped thinking about the little things I want to change/correct/alter/fix, and the milestones I’m looking forward to in the future, and just enjoyed where we are right now.

We’re in a sweet, sweet spot right now. Owen is a doll.

Sure, we have our outbursts of “NO!” and tantrums and tears. But overall? Overall he is hilarious. And cooperative. And follows the rules. And eats and sleeps like a champ. He has opinions, but is beginning to understand compromise. He’s charming. And smart. The connections his little brain is making about the world surprise me every day. His voice melts me.

It was a sweet, sweet Mother’s Day. And the littlest one in my belly made it all the sweeter.

I know things are about to change a lot for our family. But I couldn’t be happier about the timing of the wee one joining our family and the little person Owen is turning out to be.

I am so thankful to be their mother.

She Says… A Little Scare and Getting Ready for You

My little acrobat/soccer player/drummer,

We had a little bit of excitement last Friday. Last week was a long, LONG week. Daddy was traveling and I was working days and nights and Owen was, well, being two years old. I was so ready to just put my feet up after I tucked Owen into his new(ish) big boy bed. But I couldn’t quite shake this feeling I was having. Like something wasn’t right.

I won’t go into too much detail about what I was experiencing, because when you get older you’ll read this letter and be all, “Eww, Mom. That’s so GROSS.”, but let’s just say I was worried that my amniotic fluid may have been, uhh, coming out before the right time. I called the doctor and she told me that the only way to diagnose such a thing was to have a test done, and although chances were low that that’s what was going on, I had to go immediately to the hospital to be sure. So, no time for putting my feet up. I had to call a babysitter (who thankfully lives across the street) and head to the hospital solo. Bottom line: It wasn’t that. After a couple hours of monitoring and a quick test, we were on our way back home. Phew.

Side note: After the nurse hooked you up to the monitor, she would come back every once in a while and marvel at just how active you were. I still can’t believe it’s possible, but you’re even stronger and more active than your brother was. You were kicking and flipping and totally showing off for her, forcing the monitor to make sounds like a whale underwater that were even louder than your heartbeat. She also showed me the spikes on the screen that showed your brain activity. Apparently you were showing signs of neural development a few weeks ahead of your age. Little smarty pants. Your movements are so forceful that I’ve been watching them from the outside for several weeks, and recently you’ve even jolted my whole body with your movements (especially in the middle of the night!). With Owen I remember a clear pattern of awake/sleeping times. With you, it seems you’re almost always awake and moving. I may very well have my hands full if you keep that up once you come out.

Our little excursion to the hospital may have been short and a false alarm, but do you know what it did for me? It completely changed the way I think about you.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been thinking about you for 30+ weeks already. But something changed when I realized that if I was having the issue I thought I was having, I would have had to come to terms with the idea of meeting you much sooner than I expected. As in, you are A PERSON. And you are coming, whether we’re ready or not.

On the way home from the hospital my brain went into overdrive. You’re coming. In 10 weeks (or only 8 weeks if you’re on your brother’s time schedule… or sooner if you really want to catch me off guard…). While on some level I’ve been procrastinating because I know that babies really need very little when they come home from the hospital (really just diapers… and they even send you home from the hospital with some of those), now it’s time to kick it into high gear.

I’m sorry to say it, but your nursery has looked more like a storage closet than a bedroom for the last 20 weeks. A place where I dumped clothes and toys that Owen didn’t need anymore, but I knew we’d need again someday soon. Even the crib and changing table were just pushed in and left there when we switched Owen into his big boy bed.

But now, it’s time. Yesterday I washed 4 loads of teeny tiny baby laundry that have been packed in boxes in our attic since we moved. I nearly got high off of the smell of the baby detergent, completely overwhelmed by the memories of Owen’s early days. I cleaned baby seats and swings and carriers. I folded swaddles and receiving blankets. I opened boxes labeled “Baby Bottles” and unzipped my breast pump bag (which I promptly zipped back up again and tucked in the back of the closet — PTSD from the nursing issues I had with Owen) and flipped through books filled with advice about how to survive the first days, weeks, months. And I did it all thinking of you, as a little person, who we’re going to meet really, really soon.

I couldn’t be more excited. But can you make me a deal? Stay in there for at LEAST 8 more weeks so I can get even more ready for you. I know you don’t need me to sew curtains or stick little decals on the wall of your room, but it certainly would help me feel more calm and prepared for when you arrive. You do, however, need a carseat, and that’s still buried in the basement somewhere.

We’re getting there.

I’m so excited to meet you. And I can’t wait to learn all of the ways you will continue to surprise me, like you did last Friday. In the meantime, think about taking a nap or two, mmmkay little guy? I’m exhausted just by feeling you bounce around in there all day long.

I love you. More than you may ever really know.
Mommy

She Says… Labor

For those who missed it, here’s Part 1 of my labor story. Now on to Part 2…

Ok so when I last left you, I had progressed to 9cm by 9:00am. “Right on schedule” as the doctor said. As with so much of my pregnancy, everything happened like clockwork according to what the textbooks say. At this point I was beginning to feel like my epidural was wearing off faster than I wanted it too. I found myself saying things like, “Umm, can we top this off or something? We’re getting to the most painful part and I can feel EVERYTHING!”. Amazing how things went from “I’m not sure I even want an epidural” to “Give me ANOTHER epidural”. Ha. Anyway, I was definitely regaining feeling in my middle and legs, and could feel a lot of pressure and deep contractions coming very quickly. They felt different than the earlier contractions, probably because now the baby’s head was spreading my hips wide open.

I also started to experience some really horrendous back pain. My lower back felt like someone was sticking knives in me. It was a constant, throbbing pain that overshadowed the contractions and the hip stretching and made me really unfocused. The doctors explained to me that I had two options at this point:

1. Have the anesthesiologist come back and perhaps increase my epidural. The downside of this was that it would most likely prolong my labor/pushing because I wouldn’t be able to feel the urge to push. The upside was, of course, that the back pain could be reduced so I could concentrate.
2. We could start pushing, despite the overwhelming feeling of back pain. The nurse said sometimes the opposing pressure of pushing eases the back pain, and since I had a lot of sensation, I would probably be a very strong pusher if we started now.

I wish I could say I easily answered, “Let’s start pushing!”. But I didn’t. The back pain felt like it was killing me. And it took my focus and clouded my judgment. I said I wanted more epidural.

But then the doctor checked me, and she said “Give me one push and we’ll see how close you are to meeting your baby”. The nurse gave me instructions, I took a deep breath, and pushed. Her eyes lit up and she said, “Kate, the baby’s head is right here. I can see tons of black hair!”. That was all the encouragement I needed. I was ready to push. He was SO CLOSE.

So close, yet so far away. I pushed for 2 hours! On tv it looks like it happens in 5 minutes. But, miraculously, the back pain was gone and my focus was 100% on meeting my little man. Turns out he was face up (just like I suspected in the last two weeks), and his head was angled in my pelvis in such a way that he was rocking back and forth without making a ton of progress on each push. We tried various positions (pushing on my side, pushing with one leg up in the air, pushing on my back at different angles, etc.). The nurse was so encouraging and kept telling me exactly what I needed to hear to get from one push to the next. Little by little, we were making progress. Unfortunately that’s when we had a little scare. We had been pushing for awhile and the baby was getting a little stressed. His heart rate would drop every time I pushed. The beeping monitor would slow and everyone would get tense. The nurse decided she needed to put an internal monitor on him to watch the heart rate. Unfortunately I remembered from childbirth class that those probes are literally screwed into the baby’s head! Poor thing! But we all knew it was an important thing to keep an eye on. After awhile the doctor gave me a bit of an ultimatum — if the heart rate kept dropping and my pushing wasn’t strong enough to get him out soon, we may have to do this a different way. She said it was not an emergency, but I really needed to focus on my pushing and get him moving. That got my attention.

Anyway, after a bit more pushing and a lot of grunting and few screams, I heard the doctor say, “Here he comes! Stop pushing.” Those are some beautiful words to hear! He spun around right at the last second and came out just like he was supposed to. The umbilical cord was wrapped around him from all that spinning, so the doc had to cut it as soon as the baby popped out (sorry, Benjamin!). He was very purple and a bit stunned from the long journey and didn’t cry right away. I could see in Benjamin’s teary eyes that he was terrified. He kept saying, “Is he ok? Is he ok?”. Then just a few seconds later, I heard the baby’s little cry. I’ve never heard anything sweeter. Since he was looking a little floppy and there were some questions about his heart rate, they couldn’t put him on my chest right away. Although I had been so looking forward to that moment of holding him right after he came out, nothing mattered more than making sure he was ok. So the doctors took him to a little table in the corner of the room and cleaned him, measured him, etc. Benjamin just stood by his side and cried and cried and cried.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion then. As they cleaned him I kept asking, “How much does he weigh? Is he breathing ok? Is he cute? 10 fingers and 10 toes?”. It seemed like it took forever to deliver the placenta… that I was not prepared for. It was very uncomfortable to push it out after I thought I could stop pushing, and I had to get a few stitches for a little tear. Finally Benjamin came to my bedside with our little bundle. We just stared and cried and stared and cried. What an unbelievable experience. And what a prize we got at the end.

Pictures and more details to come later, but now it’s time to nurse (again!). My breaks are short but I’ll be back with another update soon. I can’t thank you all enough for your thoughts and comments. We are SO thrilled to be able to share this special time with you.

He Says… Expanding

So this is the thing that I was so excited about:

We’ve been a one car family for the last 5 years.  It’s been fine.  Kate can take the T to work (or work from home).  But we knew that once we had a baby, we’d probably need a second car.  I travel a decent amount for work and often take the car, and didn’t want to leave Kate and the baby without a car.  So then it came time to decide what to get.  It took me a while to come around to the idea of a minivan, but that was really the most practical thing for us.  We drive most places, and we don’t pack lightly.  With our giant dog, a child, and all the stuff that comes with the 4 four us, a minivan was really the most practical option.  Plus, I cram our other car (a Mazda 3 wagon) with gear for my shoots, so full that I cannot see anything or fit anyone, so the idea of a bigger car for my job seemed very exciting.  We thought of some of the compact SUVs but they aren’t that much bigger than our Mazda and I think having the third row of seats is great if we want to transport a few other people.

Packing for a work trip in the Mazda

Fortunately some of the newer minivans are pretty slick, and a lot “cooler” (I say this mostly for self-assurance) than the minivans I remembered growing up.  In fact, the Toyota Sienna that we decided on is quite luxurious.  I LOVE the dual sliding doors for loading in gear, and the way the seats move and can fold into the floor is awesome.  When we test drove it, Kate said we could move out of our house and move into the car!  Toyota did a great job with their marketing on this car, because Kate and I kept saying “Mommy Like” and “Daddy Like” as we were on our test drive.  So I am proud and happy to be a minivan family now.  (I don’t care what all my friends think… I think they’re just jealous!)

Testing out the new Sienna

She Says… Inch by inch

Well, I should say centimeter by centimeter. Labor is progressing, folks! I had my 38 week appointment with my OB yesterday, and while I was hoping to hear her say, “Four centimeters! 100% dilated! Any minute now!”, I was still happy when she gave me the latest update on my progress.

• 36 Weeks: 50% effaced
• 37 Weeks: 75% effaced and 1.5 cm dilated
• 38 Weeks: 90% effaced and 2.5 cm dilated, head at -2 station, cervix has moved into the proper position for labor

Little by little, my body is doing exactly what it is supposed to! It’s very exciting stuff. Yesterday I was feeling especially emotional and agitated (compounded tenfold by the ridiculous heat and humidity outside), and today my mushy/upset stomach is back on (it has been on and off for about a week). All good signs.

Doc said she wouldn’t be at all surprised if I didn’t make it to next week’s appointment. I’m trying not to let those positive words get my hopes up too high   Isn’t it amazing that we can essentially create babies in science labs, but we still have no idea when they are going to pop out naturally? One of life’s great mysteries, I guess.

So… we wait. Lots of exciting things to share with you in the next few days, though (so you don’t get bored of reading “one more centimeter!” every few days). Thank you all for your sweet messages and comments — we’re so excited and can’t wait to share the “IT’S TIME!” news with you very soon.

She Says… 38 Weeks

My little watermelon,

You are so close to popping out, I can just feel it. My stomach is so hard that it feels more like a bowling ball than a baby in there most of the time. I still feel you kicking and moving around, but the quality of your movements has changed a lot since you don’t have much room in there. Since your head is engaged in my pelvis getting ready for your big journey, that’s pretty stationary, and there’s not very much you can do other than kicking your little feet (which I can see poking out of my side!).

Recently I’ve been doing a bit of research on fetal positioning and how that affects labor. After a bit of belly mapping and poking around, I am fairly certain that you are somewhere between the Right Occiput Transverse (ROT) and Right Occiput Posterior (ROP) positions. That means that you are head down (thank you, you good little boy), but looking out and facing my belly button, rather than facing my back, which is the best position for labor. Not surprising, since you’re my son — you want to look around and not miss a thing, not stare at the wall! Your little rear end is on my right side, just under my rib. There’s been a big bulge in that spot for weeks, and now I finally know what it is! And the strong kicks I feel under my left rib are your foot. Thankfully, the majority of all ROT/ROP babies spin during early/active labor and come out just fine wthout interventions. However, I’ve started doing a few things to help you get into that position too. I’m sitting on an exercise ball instead of a desk chair (hoping to open my pelvis and hips in preparation for labor too), and spending time on my hands and knees and doing yoga poses like puppy pose and downward facing dog to give you some room to spin. It certainly helps to be working from home at this point; my coworkers would think I was crazy if they saw me!

Daddy and I are putting the finishing touches on your room. I feel like I’ve been saying that for weeks, but we really are getting down to the details now, hanging artwork and shelves and a mobile that we made. Can’t wait to share the pictures with all of your adoring internet fans All of your tiny clothes are washed and put away in your drawers, and diapers and other necessities are ready and waiting for you to arrive. It’s so much fun to feel so ready for you. This afternoon we’re completing the one, last thing that Daddy and I really wanted to do before you arrived, so you can come any time now, little guy. We can’t wait to meet you.

I have another doctor’s appointment this afternoon, so we’ll see if my body has made any more progress toward labor. I hope so! Daddy and I have both had a strange premonition/preference for you to arrive tomorrow, on Thursday, July 22nd. Who knows where we got that idea… but the other night Daddy said, “If he came on Thursday, that would be perfect” and I had said “I hope he comes on the 22nd” at a separate time, not realizing that was the same day. So, we’ll soon see if we are psychics or just wishful thinkers!

I can’t stop thinking about you. Every little twinge and poke and cramp feels like a symptom, like we’re one step closer to seeing your sweet face. Come out soon, ok?

With more love than I ever thought I had to give,
Mama

He Says… Just to Clarify

So just to clear things up a little bit, when Kate said “guess what we’re doing tonight” it was not exactly what many of you thought she was talking about.  You all have dirty minds and need to get your heads out of the gutter!  Sheesh.  What I was excited about doing didn’t entirely happen last night, though, so we will wait until it happens later this week to post about it.

But, all that said, you kids with your dirty thoughts of what we were going to do ended up getting it in our minds that we SHOULD do exactly that.  So we gave it a try.  It’s been awhile since we’ve tried “that”, and we had both pretty much written it off as something we didn’t really need/want at this point in Kate’s pregnancy.  But we both had little work to do in the afternoon and happened to be home with some free time, so we thought we’d try what basically amounts to a difficult geometry problem.

I think we can both agree that the challenges of sex at this point in pregnancy do not make for the most romantic, amazing experience ever, but we still had some fun.  It’s quite difficult, though, to clear your head of non-sexy thoughts.  You know, things like mucous plugs, or the fact that in Kate’s last exam (which I was present for) the doctor said she could feel the baby’s head.  With her hand.  All those things can get stuck in your mind a little, making it hard to focus on the task at hand.  But we managed.  So we’ll see if that helps to progress her labor.

So you guys will just have to wait a couple more days to find out what it is that Kate was talking about.  It’s really probably not as exciting to you as it is to us, but we’re pretty excited.

She Says… Progress Update

You may remember that at my 36 week appointment I was 50% effaced. While we all know that doesn’t mean much in terms of impending labor (I could be 50% effaced for the next month and STILL have to be induced), it still felt like a small victory. As my sister (who has had two beautiful babies after long, drawn out, painful inductions) said, “You already don’t have the cervix of steel that I have”. So it was good news!

Even better news? At my 37 week appointment last week, my OB said I was 75% effaced and 1.5 cm dilated. She was even touching the baby’s head without much pushing and prodding. She said he’s definitely “engaged” and my cervix has started to move forward. Woo hoo! MORE progress! The numbers themselves are not terribly exciting, as again, many women get this same status update early on and are still twiddling their thumbs waiting for their babies to arrive long after their due dates. However, the progress my body made in just one week is definitely a good sign. Let’s hope this trend continues and we’ll have a baby in no time!

I also experienced some new symptoms this past weekend that lead me to believe that things are happening. Most importantly, slightly painful and much more frequent contractions! I don’t know if these are technically Braxton Hicks or the real deal, but they definitely feel different than in the past. I feel cramping in my lower back, and it slowly moves around to my lower abdomen (like strong period cramps). I feel all mushy inside and sometimes like I have to go to the bathroom (even though I don’t). When I feel my stomach it is hard as a rock all over. And then, after a little while, they dissipate. Whew! While certainly not enough to make me concerned (this is what my body is supposed to be doing, after all), they have been strong enough to wake me up in the middle of the night (twice!). The pain is eased when I get up and walk around, although I can still tell the contraction is going on, which makes me think Benjamin and I will be wearing out our walking shoes once I go into real labor.

In addition to the contractions, I think I have lost (or, more accurately, am losing, little by little) my mucus plug. Whoa, sorry family and friends… I didn’t give you much warning there. TMI ALERT! That is an incredibly gross term for something totally normal. As the cervix expands, the mucus sealing it up loosens and falls out. Just like my dilation and effacement, it doesn’t necessarily mean labor is coming tomorrow, but it does mean that dilation is happening, which is a very good thing.

So, that’s the update! Another doctor’s appointment on Wednesday. Can’t wait!

Oh, and guess what we’re doing tonight? Hint: It’s something Benjamin posted about a long time ago. At one point it was the reason he was most excited we were having a baby Details to come.

She Says… School’s Out For Summer

I’m not a teacher or a student, and I know it’s the middle of July, which is not quite the beginning of summer, but I feel like I just started a big, long vacation. Yesterday was my last day in the office until January (unless something happens that I have to go back into the office to handle)!

I’m still working every day until my baby arrives, but somehow sleeping in an extra hour and rolling out of bed to work at my computer at home feels more like a vacation than work. Not to mention that when my work is finished, I’ll actually have the time to check all of those leftover things off of my “Baby is Coming, Better Get Ready” To Do list. I am so fortunate to have the ability to work from home and to work for a firm that allows me to do so. I made it through the last week of work, running a training I’ve been organizing for months, I’ve trained my temporary replacement as much as I can, and we’re going to have check-in calls for the next week to make sure she’s doing ok. What a relief.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I can finally relax. Time to enjoy these last few weeks (days?) before the little guy arrives. And even though I know once he arrives it won’t always feel like a vacation, I’m really, really looking forward to having nearly 5 months to be a mom and only a mom and getting to know my new baby.