She Says… My Face is Where?

In case you are like me and you don’t generally have time to read anything other than your gmail in a day, you may not have seen the two articles that have my face plastered on them as the poster child for crazy people who post videos of themselves taking pregnancy tests on YouTube. Slate Magazine has named this phenomenon “WombTube”, and thefrisky.com jumped on the bandwagon and drew out the controversy by asking commenters “Is posting videos of your pregnancy test sweet or creepy?”.

First, I do wish that the video of me that is “going viral” had not been taken at 6:30am with no makeup. But that’s kind of beside the point.

The point, in my opinion, is that when our pregnancy test video (first posted here) is taken out of the context of our blog, I totally get why people think it’s weird. I mean, I also understand why people think that having a blog about things as personal as pregnancy is strange and self-obsessed and a prime example of how our culture has gone off the deep end in the age of oversharing.

But there’s another side to that coin.

When Benjamin and I were two young, healthy people struggling to conceive, our blog became a way for me to let out my emotions and exchange information and, most importantly, connect with other people going through similar issues. Every day I found more and more blogs of more and more women who were struggling with the same issues, and it became, for me, a source of incredible support and sisterhood at a time when I felt like I didn’t know anyone in my real life going through what we were going through. I created relationships that eventually helped me stay positive until we were able to get pregnant.

I cannot even express how happy I am that we caught that moment on video. I will never, ever be able to harness that emotion again. If and when I see another positive pregnancy test, I will never, ever have that same reaction. Until that moment, I literally did not know I would be able to have a baby. That moment was not just “Oh yay, we’re pregnant!”. It was a rush of emotions that I had been bottling up since I first went off birth control and never got my period. The stress and pain and frustration of trying and knowing that my body wasn’t cooperating just melted away.

So I can’t comment on why other people post their pregnancy test videos on YouTube for all the world to see. But I can tell you why I did. After all the time I spent cultivating and growing my community of people struggling to get pregnant, I felt that I owed it to them to share the joy of that moment. Without their openness and support and willingness to share their stories, I might not have ended up where I was in that very special moment. In many ways, I wanted that video to shine like the light at the end of the tunnel for other women struggling to get pregnant. To show them that there IS a happy ending for many people in their situations.

And as all of you who continue to read the blog know, our over-sharing didn’t stop with the pregnancy test video. We had just gotten started! Since then, we’ve shared so many other special moments with the world — even Owen’s birth. Believe me, I understand why some people think it’s crazy (hence the sarcastic undertone of the articles I’ve been featured in recently and the comments they have generated). But I would argue that it is also incredibly amazing to be able to share a story that may help others if they are struggling to conceive. I cherish every email and comment I receive that says something like, “Just reading your story has helped me so much. I had the exact same problem and now I’m pregnant!” or “You are an inspiration” or even “I’ve learned so much from reading your posts and your comments”.

The bottom line is that I wish these authors had done a little more digging than just seeing my face on YouTube. There’s a real story here, and I’m not just a crazy person posting a video of my pee on the internet for all the world to see. And, beyond that, many of the commenters said that this phenomenon is gross and TMI. My response to that? Don’t watch them! There are a lot worse things out there on YouTube, I guarantee it.

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41 responses to “She Says… My Face is Where?

  1. I can’t imagine one my videos being taken out of context like that. I can almost picture it though: “Baby being raised by the dog, the new Motherhood”. :)

    I think anyone who reads your blog loved that video and it’s a testament to how well read you are that they took your video for the article. :)

  2. I’m behind you 100%. That beautiful BEAUTIFUL moment is so wonderful to see. You shared it with us/the world and you know what, there is so much that is unnecessarily mean, ugly and a mess today that this is a chance for everyone to remember how important – and precious – life is. People wake up every day and just simply take it for granted that they’ll continue to be healthy, continue to breathe, and even, simply just get pregnant – like that. Conception is a miracle – on every single level – and we should really be in awe of it. Thanks so much for sharing – no makeup makes it even more real and human! Love it! xoxo Jen

  3. I saw the articles that you are speaking of and it actually lead me to your site where I spent the better part of the last 2 days reading your posts. Your video was heart felt and even brought me to tears. Reading about your trouble getting pregnant was eye opening and only made your youtube video more exciting. I hope you don’t let those articles get you down because I am sure they have made an impact on those who are trying to get pregnant and having difficulties. Heck, they have impacted me and I don’t plan on getting preggers any time soon! So thank you for your blog highlighting all of the good in life! PS did you see one of the subtitles they put to your video saying they should pay you and your hubby to be in a hpt commercial?

  4. Hear, hear. For those who think it’s “over-sharing”, hey, you have a browser button. Nothing’s forcing you to look/read.

  5. I think you’ve written a great response to the article. It seems silly that this is considered over sharing when clearly it’s something that people can choose to watch and when people are sharing so much more, even just on Facebook. That video was one of the most touching that I’ve seen and I remember getting tears in my eyes as I watched it.

  6. Well said, Kate! Your video is so beautiful and wonderful to see and I am so glad that you shared it with your readers. Don’t let others get you down; it is not even worth your time.

  7. I was one of those people who was also struggling to get pregnant and was reading your blog. I cried the morning I saw your video–and frankly, I remember it super clearly since it was the day before Thanksgiving and I was home lounging in my pajamas!

    The emotion I saw in you and Benjamin that day was the emotion I had been praying to experience myself. When we finally got our own positive test on 1/12/10, we didn’t capture it on video, but I kind of wish we did!

    Forget the haters!

  8. Great response Kate! I actually discovered your blog after coming across that video on YouTube a couple of months ago and have been following you ever since so I am SO glad you posted it. I’m not a mom yet but my husband and I are trying to make that happen (without much success yet) and your blog is a great source of inspiration when I feel discouraged so thank you!

  9. I actually found your blog through that Slate article. I was so moved by the the video that, with tears in my eyes, I clicked through to your blog (via the link on YouTube) and I read most of your archives that day. I loved reading the context around the video, seeing your struggles to conceive and your joy when you did, and then watching your growing belly, reading your letters to your unborn child, and now seeing him as he grows into a real-live person.

    The article was condescending, yes, and the comments are worse (I hope you don’t read them; they’re vicious). But in all it was enough for me to become an immediate subscriber of your lovely blog as I read about you and your sweet family.

  10. The articles were dumb.

    Seems like they ran out of topics and were looking at a way to get more traffic or something by posting something that could instill strong opinions. Idiots.

  11. Sorry my comment was kind of mean but I was PISSED when I read that second article.

    Your video was one of the sweetest displays of love I have ever seen.. for each other and the baby you had made, and I can’t believe anyone would call it creepy.

  12. WHOA!

    First of all – I agree with you. If it annoys you or offends you – don’t watch it! But you had tons of readers who journeyed with you and Benjamin as you tried to conceive and I was honored that you let us into that moment. I sobbed when I watched it.

    Second of all – How is that more offensive than Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction”? Grow up people! It’s not like the video was of you peeing on the stick.

  13. I remember the day you posted that video and it is what totally hooked me on your blog. Sharing the raw emotions was so powerful and captivating. I cried with you and even made my husband watch. If it wasn’t for mommy blogs, I would feel so alone in this parenting journey. I just read all the comments to the second article, wow, definitley just ignore them!!!!!!

  14. While it was painful to read such negative words about a dear friend, I couldn’t help but notice – at least they called you “fresh faced”… at 6:30 am no less… :)

    The writer clearly didn’t do his/her due diligence, or simply didn’t care. Either way, it was irresponsible, and downright mean. Blogs are written for the express purpose of sharing information with others. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Or watch it. You should thank the writer for bringing more readers to your blog; the writer just perpetuated the very thing the he/she seemed to condemn, no? <3

  15. I still watch your video from time to time, just to relive the sweetness and remind myself of the way I felt when I found out I was pregnant after having difficulty trying. (I even remember checking the blog over and over waiting to hear what the results were…I know, I know, stalkerish right?) :) It is so beautiful and I wish I had something like that to show my daughter one day. You’ve had a lot of drama online lately- don’t let it get to you. Your blog is like crack to me and so many others. I check it at least once a day to see what new information is there that I never knew before.

  16. “WE” and when I say we I mean the people that read your blog daily, just love you guys and you know what…screw those others that don’t. Sorry my potty mouth but its amazing what people do to have something to bitch about…really people come on… Keep posting your posts and we will keep reading them :)

  17. You rock! I think you are spot on with your response. Additionally, not only did/does your blog help you and others who were/are going through the same infertility rollercoaster- it attracts people like me who went through the experience alone – to offer advise, support, and encouragement. I totally benefitted from it – you guys inspired us to try again for another baby – and we got two!! Just remember identical twins can happen to anyone :) And it is totally cool now, because my boys are just month (i think) younger than Owen so he is one step ahead and I can see what awaits with a little boy!!

  18. I love that video so much. Every time I watch it, it makes me smile like a fool and tear up. (And I think you look really lovely – your skin is perfect and you look great!) And like you said, you will always have that emotion captured on film. Priceless.

  19. Less than sixty years ago, no one talked openly about menstration — heaven forbid there be a commercial for tampons on TV. Menopause, fertility, periods were kept hush-hush behind closed doors (and still are!) because it’s a “woman’s problem” and shouldn’t be touched. Documenting your troubles conceiving and your joy at a positive result is not “oversharing.” Why is honest dialogue about a woman’s fertility deemed inappropriate? We need more blogs like yours that open the doors to a subject so rarely discussed.

  20. I’m going to be honest, and I don’t care if this makes me weird, but that video is what brought me to your blog in the first place!

    I never posted any pee stick stuff, but when I stumbled across your video I had no clue who you were or anything besides what’s in the description with the video. I thought it was a wonderful moment that was captured and it made me want to follow you.

    So, maybe I’m crazy right along with you. lol.
    Don’t listen to people you don’t know… it’ll only get you down. You’re awesome and that’s all you need to know.

  21. Reasons #10000 why I hate the way journalists boil down blogs to one post, sentence or video.

    You rock. End of story.

  22. The day you posted your video was the first day I read your blog! I didn’t know anything about the back story…you were just linked from one of my other daily reads. It’s a beautiful video.

  23. Your video was touching and inspiring. The “journalists” obviously didn’t research the content (well, if at all) and took your act out of context completely. They were the inappropriate parties.
    Kate, that moment was more real and awe-inspiring than anything I’ve ever seen before, except for my own experiences with my daughter (which, of course, top my list for awesomeness ;)). It was truly a pivotal moment for me, because if you could get pregnant with PCOS (with which I was diagnosed years ago) I might be able to get pregnant.
    You gave me hope, and lo and behold, not two months later, I was pregnant.

    Ignore them, and just keep giving your readers TMI. ;)

  24. Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone! Your comments are giving me goosebumps. You are THE BEST.

  25. You get the craziest feedback!!

    I thought your video was beautiful and touching. Why it got lumped in with others who just showed peed on sticks is beyond me.

    You’re lovely. Even at 6 in the morning, with no make-up. :-)

  26. I remember watching that video when you originally posted it. As I said to you on Twitter, my original reaction was abject fear. Fear that you would lose that pregnancy and you’d forever have the movie to remind you of how excited you had been. My first positive was seen in alone in my friend’s bathroom in NYC. I was ecstatic. I spent the whole flight home figuring out how I’d tell my husband. It was Father’s Day that weekend and I was going to get him a card. Even though I knew I could lose it (and that was the first thing my mom said to me when I told her – she lost three pregnancies very late, they were actually stillbirths) I was just over the moon. We’d only been trying for six months (7 cycles – my cycles are short) and I couldn’t believe it had happened for us. Then, three weeks later I started spotting and ended up in the ER dealing with an ectopic. And that miscarriage totally ruined the whole “happy to see a BFP” forever. It’s not just ruined for my personal experiences (I SOBBED when I saw my second BFP, terrified out of my mind) but for others too. To this day, when I see your video I get weird butterflies in my stomach, just like I do when people tell me they just found out they are pregnant. The whole thing has been become so warped for me. I don’t know if everyone who has lost a pregnancy feels that way. Maybe not. But I do.

    And when I come across that Father’s Day card, which I can’t stand to throw away but which opens a new wound in me every time I see it, its like I’m right back there, in the ER, losing that pregnancy I so desperately wanted.

    I guess I just wanted to share another, probably less common response to your video. We’re all so colored by our experiences, and sometimes we can’t help how we feel about something.

  27. I am glad people like you blog, it helped me in my journey and to feel ok about sharing my story. :)

  28. This is a great response and I agree about the tone of the articles.

    But, in the interest of focusing on the positive, I would like to highlight a thing the first article said that I actually kind of liked: a lot of folks are making the choice to go ahead and share as soon as they think they’re pregnant rather than waiting … I think we were told three months.

    I totally respect people who want to wait, too. I think there are a lot of great reasons for making the choice to wait. But I am tired of hearing people who don’t want to wait all but lectured (or in some cases outright lectured) that they should have waited. I think there are a lot of great reasons for making the choice not to wait! Heck, you just gave several in this post.

  29. I’ve only been reading your blog a few short weeks, but have fallen in love with it and now read it on a daily basis. I had never seen the video before today and as soon as I pushed play I began to cry. I do not pretend to understand the struggles of infertility, being a mother of 4 myself, but the raw emotion I can understand and relate to. I think it was such a genuine and sincere moment of your lives and I feel honored that you shared it with your blog ‘audience’. I am sorry that there are a select few out there who try to tarnish such a memorable moment, but I know that won’t happen because it is such a special memory in your life and no one can ever take that away. Keep on keeping on and hold your head up high. Also, you looked beautiful at 6:30 in the morning. :)

  30. Jenna (Hello, I Love You)

    I have been following your blog for some time but this is my first time commenting. It took my husband a year and a half to get pregnant and the whole time I would go through periods of frustration and negativity. But your blog was definitely one of the things that helped me to remain positive and hopeful that it just wasn’t our time yet. When the video was originally posted, I got a little teary. It was sweet, not weird! Keep doing what you are doing. Your blog rocks.

  31. @Jenna, I had to laugh at your comment because you said it took your “husband a year and a half to get pregnant”. That is truly a miracle! I imagine it would take me longer than that.

    But I know what you meant to say. That was just funny though.

  32. I don’t think its weird at all that you have a video of you discovering your pregnant. I think its a beautiful video and it made me cry! Thank you for sharing your journey for all to see. Even those people that don’t have anything else better to do than criticize others.

  33. Jenna (Hello, I Love You)

    Benjamin–Haha, you are right! Oops! I am blaming that one on the “pregnancy brain” I am currently experiencing! :)

  34. Hi Kate and Ben, I too am one of those people that followed your blog after watching that video. It is a beautiful video and I don’t care what those haters say about it.
    I was also trying to get pregnant the same time you and Benjamin were trying, and when I saw the video it gave me the hope that I needed to keep my head up. Although I didn’t struggle with infertility I was in that “I need to get pregnant” bubble since after a few months of trying it wasn’t working for my hubby and I. I was feeling down that particular week, and when I watched your video it brought a huge smile to my face. I had tears of joy from watching that video, and believe me I rarely cry over anything! A couple weeks after you found out you were pregnant I found out that I was too (maybe partly the reason I was more teary watching hehe)! We now have a beautiful little 7 mth old girl and she is growing beautifully. You guys are awesome and I love your blog. Thank you both for sharing that beautiful moment with all of us :)

  35. Oh my gosh, I saw your video on the Australian Today show this morning just as I was about to leave the house, and I had to stop to see why they were playing it, and as soon as I saw ‘WombTube’ I’d seen enough.
    You guys looking at the pregnancy test is honestly one of my favourite videos that I’ve seen online – it makes me cry every. time. I’ve never thought of it as an ‘over-share’, but as a lovely video of a deliriously happy young couple who wanted to share their happiness after a lot of hardship to get there. The fact that someone decided to make a ‘story’ out of it by trying to put a negative spin on it (and others) pretty much sums up both the reason that I can’t watch news or read newspapers any more, and the reason that I’m so cranky with the world.
    This blog is a great antidote to my frustration, and I really appreciate that you decided to share your struggles, the video and everything else.

  36. Some people will never understand the friendships that IF has created among us & will never honor the true joy that is shared when one of us beats IF. We were all as happy for you that day as we would be on the day that we got our own BFPs. I cried my eyes out watching your video that morning and still cry every time I watch it, just like I cried when I finally experienced it for myself. We are a family & we share these beautiful moments– people who criticize this video (and others like it) don’t understand the hope that it provides for so many people, nor the true joy when that dream finally comes true.

  37. I first watched your video when we had been trying to conceive for about 8 months. Your video was so moving. And like a lot of your other readers, I combed through the archives for your journey. Like you, we ended up getting pregnant with one simple trip to an endocrinologist and a dose of clomid. I agree the Slate writer was approaching this very touchy topic from a shallow perspective. For me, websites like yours made me feel less alone in my ttc journey. Thank you for posting.

  38. I just have to say that your blog, story and videos have helped me through my own personally difficult time concieving. We didn’t record our positive tests but we both cried, after 4 years of struggling, we got two lines! Even though we are only now nearing 17 weeks pregnant, I wish I had that moment on video!

  39. Your response here is articulate and beautifully put.

    Shame on them! They chose to misrepresent these stories all just for the chance to be smug & condescending. Bad “journalism!” It seems as though the Australian Today show didn’t bother to look at the reality behind those videos either and instead trusted a source who are just bad writers and apparently just story writers. It sure opens my eyes to be more critical of what I see on TV (not that I wasn’t before) but trust in journalism should obviously be taken with a grain of salt.

    You and Benjamin opened up your lives and have shared something more difficult (and rewarding) than most of those nay sayers will ever have the “privilege” of experiencing in their lives, something most people take for granted. Obviously these writers will spin anything or choose to portray a condescending light on anything that will peek the interest of readers/viewers. Shame on them. These stories are entirely misleading. How STUPID of them to assume that people are streaming these videos live before sharing their wonderful news with their loved ones first. Stupid.Stupid.Stupid.

    Here’s an idea: Why not dub over your video with your voice something to the affect of what you said in this post in a way that points out their ignorance. Maybe you could also contact the other people in the videos and ask if they wish to be included. Then at least you are putting the “real” side of why you chose to share it online. Just a thought!

  40. @Angie All the Way, That’s an awesome idea! A video response to these articles. We’ll see if we can find time to put that together :)

  41. Sometimes when I’m having a bad day, or know I need to smile, I go back and watch your video. I love it – it always brings joy to my day.

    Screw what anyone else thinks. And for god’s sake – there’s a natural disaster happening in the world! Perhaps the Austrailian Today Show needs to adjust what they consider “news.”

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