Since the beginning of this whole babymaking process, Benjamin has posted many times about sex. For awhile there, it was kind of the only part of the process he participated in, and so it was his topic of choice :) I, on the other hand, was content to let Benjamin spill the beans from his perspective, and kept a bit quieter about this subject. Partly it’s because I know our parents read this blog (hi, Mom!), and partly it’s because I know it’s a topic that is so unique to each couple, and I don’t like the idea of people comparing themselves to us in any way. Call me old-fashioned!
However, I feel like I need to mention it from the pregnant woman’s perspective, if only to offer my experience as a comfort if other women are struggling with some of the same challenges. If you’re one of those lucky pregnant women who had/are having the best sex of your life while pregnant, more power to you. Apparently I am not.
Pregnant sex, for me, is… tricky. As you can see from my belly pics, I am pretty much hiding a soccer ball under my shirt at this point, so the sheer logistics of skin-to-skin contact are a challenge. But even that can be overcome with a bit of creativity. Unfortunately, even when all the bits and pieces are in the right place, I feel all kinds of weird pokes and prods and flutters and kicks in my stomach. Not to mention the fact that I can barely breathe when my lungs are smooshed one way or the other. Also, my balance is off and my arms get tired holding up my torso and I often feel like my “delicate” new body is squished uncomfortably. For me, it’s not even the weirdness of “Oh, there’s a BABY between us” (which is, if you think about it, strange enough to derail most peoples’ sexual momentum); it’s more that I’m so distracted by the strange sensations that I can’t concentrate on anything.
Oh, and another thing. While I know that Benjamin loves and adores me, I’m not sure he totally digs my pregnant body. Let’s be honest… it’s foreign. I have curves in places I’ve never had curves before (and believe me, I was relatively curvy to begin with). It’s not that he doesn’t love my pregnant body, as I know he is as amazed and awe-struck as I am about the changes taking place. But it IS a little disconcerting to watch the person you’ve been seeing naked for many years blow up like a balloon in a matter of months. My once-cute feet have turned into sausages and you can no longer see much muscle definition in my arms. My boobs have gotten bigger (which would generally have a positive effect on his desire), but along with them has come a stomach so round that the skin looks like it might burst. Don’t get me wrong — I still think I’m a cute pregnant lady I just think it’s a lot for a husband to witness and not feel a little alienated at times.
The bottom line is that our relationship is far from dwindling because of this shift in priorities. Our love for each other get stronger with every day that brings us closer to having our little guy in our arms. And we really can’t get enough of spending time with each other. But I think we’ve entered a new phase in our lives; one in which sex is not a top priority. And for the next 10 weeks, it might not even be a priority at all. And I think that’s totally ok. It’s just… different.We both recognize how important intimacy is to our relationship; we’re just exploring the difference between intimacy and sex.
So, I’m scared to open up this can of worms. But… anyone have anything to add?