I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it again: I am not a crier. Well, the non-pregnant me is not a crier. The pregnant me? Wooo boy, better keep those tissues handy. I don’t know if it’s that I’ve become more sentimental, or if I’m holding in a lot of emotions about the pregnancy and I enjoy the catharsis of tears, or if it’s just those crazy pregnancy hormones… but I can’t seem to go a day five minutes without my eyes brimming.
Usually it’s happy things. For instance, I was watching a really horrible movie yesterday (while trying to nurse my nasty cold) in which Heather Graham finds out she has one egg left and two weeks until she ovulates to find a man to have sex with her to create the baby she’s always dreamed of. Now, anyone who has struggled with infertility (or has ANY idea about how babies are made) knows how absolutely ridiculous this premise is. But I kid you not, I cried anyway when she saw that little plus sign. Ok, and in the interest of full disclosure, I cried again when she announced the news to her [new] husband at his birthday party.
Sometimes it’s baby-related things. The other day I was on the treadmill at the gym, flipping through the first issue of my new subscription to Parents magazine (hey, you can never start too early!). I turned the page and saw the most adorable ad with a chubby Asian baby smiling up at the camera, apparently enjoying her new diapers or something. I couldn’t believe it, but my eyes teared up! And then I started laughing at myself for being SUCH a sap. And there I am, laughing and crying on the treadmill in the middle of the gym. I also downloaded an audio session of prenatal yoga to do several mornings a week. The instructor, in her low, raspy voice, says things like, “Make room for the little life growing inside you”, and I swear to you, the tears are streaming down my cheeks while I’m trying to hold a downward facing dog.
Rarely, but once in awhile, it’s sad/frustrating/pitiful things. Over the last few days I have been plagued with an awful, awful head cold. It’s been so long since I was sick that I forgot how horrible it feels to not be able to breathe through your nose, or, worse, to have to blow it all day long and still get no relief from the sinus pressure that just might make your head explode. Since I’m pregnant, I can’t take any of those magical drugs like Nyquil that help you get a good night’s sleep amidst the congestion, so I’ve been relying on old school methods like a humidifier, cough drops, and lots of tea. They are not as effective as drugs. Believe me. And a few times over the last few days I have found myself tearful at the thought of another minute with a stuffy nose/head, and crying with the frustration of not being able to sleep. I know… wah, wah, poor me, right?
For the first time since we met, I can finally give my emotional husband a run for his money Only 11 weeks in, and pregnancy has already changed me so much.